To each her own.
1. I don’t want to.
For me, there’s no draw to the white gown experience. I understand there’s a fantasy element, a glory in being surrounded by beauty, walking in the spotlight. A day just about me. I get it, but I’m not a part of the club.
It’s just my personality, I guess. Maybe I like challenging tradition. Or I’m too critical or too practical. Regardless, the whole concept of a wedding was never one that appealed to me.
2. I don’t have to.
A wedding is not a prerequisite to marriage. It’s merely a popular tradition. And yet, when I tell friends that I’m not interested in having a ceremony, they think I’m 1) weird 2) naïve or 3) snooty. They ask if I’m serious, demand I explain myself or insist I will change my mind.
But really my choice to have no wedding is not so bizarre. It shouldn’t be regarded like the utterance of someone selfish or idiotic. I’m certainly not denying anyone the right to wear her dress with confidence; I’m not. That’s your prerogative and I get that. It’s my prerogative, however, to forego on the whole thing and save thousands of dollars.
3. A wedding won’t better the relationship.
Exchanging vows in front of an audience isn’t the key to a happy marriage. This I know. A white dress and heaps of flowers won’t bring happily ever after, regardless of how fairytale-esque the day plays out.
Case in point: my mother enjoyed the white wedding cliché with her first marriage, but was divorced in a short number of years. When she married my father, she wore black and had only two witnesses present. They’ve been together for over twenty years.
4. Stress isn’t my thing.
I get stressed. I don’t handle it well. Thus, I don’t purposefully invite it into my life. Not only does it make me irritable and heinous, but it also impairs my ability to love those around me. Seriously. I get sucked into my source of stress and take it out on everybody in my wake.
It would be ironic, then, to work toward marriage (the ultimate vow of love) in a state that stresses me the f*** out and hinders/kills my loving tendencies. So I’ll just take the easy route and hit up the Justice of the Peace when the time is right.
5. Having been a bridesmaid…
I’ve been on the inside. I’ve seen how it all works. Every miniscule decision was blown into the biggest deal – as if the fate of humanity rested on the incredibly insignificant details. The photographer, the cake, the main meal – It. Was. Nuts.
I honestly couldn’t believe we had some of the conversations we had. Many times I thought someone had to be joking. But they weren’t. They were serious. They (the bride-to-be and other bridesmaids) were so passionate. None of it resonated with me at all. It was actually sad – how disconnected I felt from the rest of the ladies. Like a math geek in English class, it just didn’t click. Luckily, the whole wedding thing is optional and I don’t have to pursue it (just as a math brain doesn’t have to chase a career as a fiction author).
While I appreciate a good cake (really), I have other things to do, things that are more important to me personally, than putting aside days of my life to sample desserts. Seeking a venue – a venture I’ve seen take months for some of my friends – would probably kill me. A wedding is just not something I find a priority, so having one take over my life would be far from ideal.
7. I’m poor.
My boyfriend and I have student loans, phone bills – we can’t just stop paying rent. We don’t come from money and would be responsible for any expenses relating to a wedding. Honestly, we have other things we’d rather – and we have to – spend our money on.
The average cost of a wedding in the United States is $25,200. That doesn’t even include spending related to the honeymoon! In my current situation I would definitely have to take out a loan, which I am not about to do. And if $30,000 were to pop up from nowhere, there is a long list of things I’d buy before ever considering a wedding.
8. A party will suffice.
I’m not above popping champagne and getting groovy to celebrate my union. A jubilant party with loved ones, for me, will be the perfect way to glorify my marriage.