1. Food partitioning is not a thing.
They’re not super aggressive about labeling food and other groceries. In fact, the perfect roommate will even offer up some of the good stuff – like wine and cheese and ice cream and candy and vegetables – all the food, basically.
2. They’re not nocturnal… unless you are.
Your sleep schedules align so that no one is forced to tiptoe around in the morning or wee hours of the night. There’s no TV blaring as you’re trying to drift off because you jointly turned off the TV before heading to bed.
3. They don’t leave nasty gobs of hair anywhere.
There is such thing as shower etiquette, and the perfect roommate follows it: they don’t take up every shelf for their own products, don’t take hour-long showers when you’re waiting on them and – most importantly – They. Clean. Up. Their. Hair.
4. They’re a gifted sleeper.
They sleep like a rock, dead to the world, so you don’t feel guilty when you have to pee at 1 a.m. or when your dog yelps in the night or when, at 4a.m. and you can’t sleep, you decide to get up and make breakfast.
5. You’re comfortable at the same thermostat setting.
This leaves everybody happy and no one to blame when heinous heating bills start flowing in.
6. You lead balanced, separate lives.
They’re out and about – enjoying their own plans – enough that you have a satisfactory amount of alone time.
7. Their friends don’t suck/aren’t hanging around all the time.
It’s the worst thing ever to come home and find some unwanted person in your living room. Actually, when those unwanted people linger and start coming around daily – that’s the worst. But the perfect roommate wouldn’t have friends like this so nbd.
8. They’re not anal but not disgusting, either.
They’re a degree of messy that allows 24-hour grace periods on washing dishes but not slob enough to leave the shit out and dirty for more than two days. It’s relaxed, and you’re sure they’ll clean up eventually and won’t shame you for doing the same.
9. They pay.
You don’t have to awkwardly confront them every time rent is due. They contribute their share on time, unprompted.
10. They share your sentiments regarding smoking.
If you’re a non-smoker, so is your roommate. If you smoke, however, you’re roomie’s right there with you.
11. They introduce something new to you.
They bring something awesome right into your own home. Maybe you discovered a new favorite food item from peaking in their pantry or now know of an awesome shampoo from (accidentally) using theirs once.
12. Your stuff comes together perfectly.
They supply all the appliances and extras you didn’t have. When you moved in together, it was like two pieces coming together and completing a beautiful, fully functional puzzle.
13. Their closet = public domain.
They’re open to sharing clothes and wear the same size as you (at least kinda). Same shoe size? Serious bonus.
14. They’re generous in the kitchen.
When they cook, it doesn’t smell like shit. It’s an appetizing dish, something you would have made for yourself. Then, they share it with you.
15. They’re open to – and maybe even fond of – your friends.
It’s pretty nice when you can invite your friends over without feeling shitty about it.
16. You share cat/dog/rabbit/etc dreams.
If you want a pet, they’re on board with it. The perfect roommate will even embrace the idea, and take the liberty of buying it toys and stuff.
17. They don’t try to get into your pants – unless you invite them.
Need I say more?
18. They have your favorites on their Netflix queue (naturally).
Ideally, your schedules line up so that you can catch up on priority programs at the same time, eating from the same popcorn bowl. #truelove
19. You’ve worked out a systematic, highly functioning bathroom schedule.
They know exactly when you’ll be in there, and what they can do to efficiently use time until it’s their turn. When you’re at the gym or working out, the perfect roommate would know and factor that into the shower schedule. (It’s the ultimate courtesy.)
20. You actually enjoy your living situation.
You like being in their company, and they like you too. Time together is filled with laughter and good dialogue so that, at the end of the day, they’re more than a perfect roommate; they’re a friend.