1. People claim to skip meals because they’re too busy or too distracted. You’re sure this is the most heinous, unfathomable concept you’ve ever heard.
2. You wake up and immediately consider what you’ll have for breakfast. When breakfast is over, you start daydreaming about lunch. And so on.
3. There is a part of you that actually dreads buffet-style meals. You can say, from past experiences, that it’s definitely possible to have too much of a good thing. And when it comes to unlimited food, and you’re trying to get your money’s worth, it’s very likely you’ll leave the restaurant or party feeling like a pregnant cow.
4. Despite judgments, you always order the bigger portion. A six-inch sub over a footlong, for instance, is basically a total joke to you.
5. At formal dinners, family and friends know to position your favorite dish right in front of your seat. If they don’t, they should expect to pass it to you at least three times.
6. Personal rewards take edible form. When you have a long day at work, you treat yourself with a delicious dinner. When you blew a personal project out of the water, you buy yourself a sundae. You’re pretty easy to please.
7. The holidays are merry and bright and… awesome because there’s tons of food. There’s really no other time of year when people make mountains of cookies just because.
8. Pizza commercials come on and you’re like OMG GIVE ME MY PHONE I’M ORDERING DELIVERY.
9. At parties you don’t like to put the snack foods like chips and pretzels onto a plate. That’s way too limiting. You’d much rather stand near the bowls and eat handful after handful until 1) you’re too full to eat more or (more likely) 2) there are none left.
10. A large portion of your income is dedicated to food. Once you’ve paid for rent and utilities, there’s nothing stopping you from ordering Chipotle and takeout sushi like everyday.
11. You only exercise because it allows you to inhale more calories.
12. Friends and family often give you restaurant gift cards as presents. And you’d like nothing more.
13. The day’s meals can make or break the quality of that day. Good food = good day.
14. When you know you’re going to be early to meet someone, you look for a quick place to grab a snack.
15. When you haven’t eaten in a while or are trying to do something crazy like cut back or diet – your mood is terribly foul and you cannot stand to be around other people.
16. If an event offers free food, you’re there.
17. There’s no way you’re sitting through a movie without popcorn or sour patch kids.
18. After completing a strenuous event – like a tough mudder or a half marathon – you make a devilish grin and think, “I can eat whatever I want today.”
19. Everyone in your life knows that you love a particular type of food because you talk about your love for that food at every possible opportunity.
20. Eating, for you, has much less to do with fulfilling your hunger than it does satisfying a particular craving. You don’t stop just because you’re full. That would be ridiculous.
21. You shamelessly embrace the nickname “Garbage Disposal,” and can be trusted to consumer everyone’s leftovers, no matter what.
22. In fact, you actively hope that other people don’t finish their meals. More for you!
23. Crumbs. All over the couch.
24. Somehow you always find room for more food, even when you thought your
stomach was stretched to max capacity.
25. You actually like grocery shopping. ALL THE POSSIBILITIES.
26. You are often aware that people (roommates, friends, family, etc.) are disgustedly noticing the amount of food you’re eating. You’re sure they’re thinking: she’s going back for more??
27. When you’re home alone, you very quickly lose count of the times you open and close the refrigerator and pantry doors. Just checking, you know, that nothing changed in there.