“Will the storm ever pass?” I wondered, laying there on the bathroom floor, still hurting from the punches and the cuts I inflicted upon myself. Still hurting. Still tearful. And lonelier than ever, for I have pushed you away, when you were just trying to help. And I’ve made things worse.
But you’re still here. Still standing. You forgive and you stick around, and say it’s all going to be ok.
Because you know I can be stronger than this. You know I can beat this. You know what to say. And you know what not to say.
And the only words I manage to utter then and now for this, for you, are thank you.
Thank you for never staying mad for too long or even getting mad at all.
Thank you for sticking with me through all of the nights I’m drowning. No matter how long it takes. No matter how hard it is. Thank you for telling me that it’s ok, and that it’s going to be ok.
Thank you for caring. No actually, let me rephrase that – thank you for caring enough.
Thank you for being patient, even if it’s not your strongest point. Thank you for making the effort. For me.
Thank you for not leaving me alone, when I don’t trust myself to be left in my own hands anymore.
Thank you for checking on me, for asking if I’ve eaten. And even when I lie, thank you for trying your best to help me find some appetite.
Thank you for holding me tight when I am crumbling inside as well as outside.
Thank you for loving me the way I am, and thank you for saying it and making me feel it. Thank you for reminding me how important I am to you and how much I matter.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for still confiding in me. For not treating me any different. Because it gives me a little sense of purpose.
Thank you for constantly pushing me to become the person I want to become and create the life I want for myself.
Thank you. Because I probably wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for you. I very likely wouldn’t be giving life so many chances if you weren’t in it. I mean, God knows where or how I would have ended this night or that one if you hadn’t been on the other side of the phone, ready to answer.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m always gonna be here, and I’m never gonna stop wanting for you what you want for yourself,” you told me.
Thank you for saying this.
Thank you for being my best friend.
Thank you for keeping me alive.
I love you.