I’ve always stood on my own two feet, not needing anyone and convincing myself that I never would.
But here is today.
5,437 is the distance in miles separating you from me right now. 8 is the number of hours between our two hearts. And as I lay in my bed, looking at the ceiling and counting miles and days and hours and minutes and seconds, I find myself missing you.
I miss you.
I do, even if you think otherwise. Even if you think that I don’t need you.
Don’t get me wrong though. I don’t need you. But I do.
Now you’ll wonder, ‘is this some mischievous and twisted game of the female mind?’ Well no, it simply is what it is.
I don’t need you but I do.
I don’t need you to wake me up in the morning, to get dressed or go to work, make a career and build myself up. I don’t need you to help me do my paperwork, to eat healthy, to take care of myself and manage my physical and mental health. I am perfectly fine to do all of these things on my own. I can function on my own. And you know that.
I don’t need you to be here physically every waking moment of every single day. But I need you to be present.
I need you to be exactly who you are, wherever you are – the one person I am turning to every time something happens. Good or bad. Exciting or depressing. Celebrations or failures. Life-changing events or the routine and the trivial.
I don’t need you as in you’re the only person on Earth who can make me happy, but I do need you as in you’re one of the only persons on Earth who makes me happy.
You’re one of these precious gemstones life’s offered me. Just like cuddling my cat makes me happy, spending time with my best friends makes me happy, feeling the sun on my cheek and the wind in my hair perfuming my atmosphere of a sweet honey scent makes me happy.
And in the same lovely way, you make me happy too. The big dreams we’re working on to make come true make me happy. The random things we share in the middle of the day make me happy. The 3 am conversations, our reflections on life and the world, make me happy. The bursts of laughter make me happy. The collision of our souls as our chests get pulled into one another makes me happy.
The truth is, no matter how strong and independent we are, we’re going to need people. And that includes me. And you. And everyone we know.
We’re going to need each other.
I am filling my head with a million dreams and my eyes with an infinity of stars that I want to share. I am wishing for sweet words on my mouth and kisses on my soul. I am learning to lower my guard. I am realising that the past is in the past. And that the loving arms, the thoughtful mind, the shelter and the tenderness are necessary and are coming.
Am I scared of getting hurt? Of course, I am. Everyone is and everyone would be. But no matter how strong I am, life is not meant to be lived alone, and that is something I’m only starting to understand.
We don’t survive life; we live it.
And we need people to do so.