I’m used to dating the bad boy type of guys — misunderstood, tough, rough, hot guy. The guy that everybody seems to want and chicks go for, with the thought that they’d be different and that they could change him into a better person.
Yep, that type. Obviously, those didn’t end too well.
The time I met you, there were also other guys who were trying to vie for my attention. They lost to you though. There was something about you that caught my attention and has kept it for longer than I wanted to. You were different. You weren’t flashy. You weren’t overly sweet and caring to the point that it makes me question your sincerity. You were just simple. You were a really nice guy. In everything you said and did, I felt the sincerity. You were a breath of fresh air.
I wanted you and I thought you wanted me too. I’ve gone through a lot of efforts to seal the deal, thinking, “you couldn’t possibly not like me after all these”. God, I was wrong. From having daily communications, things suddenly dwindled down to a couple of exchanged messages in a week. From you, always being the first one to initiate our conversations, to me, trying to reach out to you. Until suddenly, nothing.
I went back through all the conversations we had and every single moment when we were together, trying to determine where it went wrong.
I’ve gone through everything numerous times trying to understand how I could have possibly lost you just like that. I couldn’t understand and I couldn’t accept it. It made me reach the point where I thought maybe you weren’t really as nice as I thought you were. Maybe, it was all an act and I was just deluding myself.
It came to me just recently though that you wanted and maybe, were even in love with someone else. It hurt me. It did explain everything though. How you just suddenly seemed to just change your mind about me. How just like that, you were gone and I was ignored. I want to believe that you aren’t as nice as I thought you were. I wanted to believe you were an asshole for treating me the way you did but somehow, I couldn’t.
I have read that, you could not hate someone because they chose someone else. It hurts me so much until now and I find it really hard to move on but somehow, I don’t hate you. I can’t hate you. In fact, I can’t help but admire you, for giving her all your attention, for not stringing me along and taking advantage of my feelings for you. I know for a fact other guys would. In the end, you are still that nice guy I thought you were. I still wish I was her though.
Assholes may hurt you but nice guys hurt the worst. It is a struggle to move on and get over you. I am taking everything step by step. I know I’ll get over this someday. Someday, I wouldn’t feel this pinch in my heart whenever I hear your name or remember something associated with you. Someday, I’ll be free of you. Someday, I’ll have my nice guy too.