Five Types of Guys You Should Not Make Out With

1. Your Best Friend

You don’t want to make out with your best friend for all the obvious, clichéd reasons. Things will never be the same. You’ll never be able to look each other in the eye. It’ll be weird. All because you will both now know that there’s something in your relationship that stretches beyond just friendship, that something made you both want to put your faces so close together that your lips touched and that something else made you both stay there, with sweaty palms and half-closed eyes. And this, unfortunately, will make it near impossible for you to remain true friends.

2. The Guy from across the Hall

Sure, he helps you carry big packages up the stairs sometimes and gets your mail for you when you’re out of town. Sure, he’s seen (and heard) you come home drunk at 3 a.m. and may or may not have put you in bed that night after you threw up on his doormat. But this does not mean you should make out with him. Because if you do, he’ll never do those things again for you; he’ll feel like he’s “sending the wrong message,” or that you’ll think he’s “making a move,” and it’ll be uncomfortable. And you’ll have to find someone else to water your plants while you’re in Seattle for a week.

3. Your Friend’s Roommate

You fell asleep on the couch after watching The Hills Have Eyes that one time, and he found you there, alone (and unconscious), on his way to the bathroom. And when he looked into your eyes, you almost forgot that he was the guy you made fun of with your best friend for listening to Tokyo Hotel and Meatloaf. You almost forgot… because you almost forgot who he was, period. And if you make out with this temporary stranger, you’ll be too self-conscious to ever inebriatedly eat Lucky Charms in his apartment again.

4. The Foreign Exchange Student

He’s got an exotic accent that makes you feel worldly and cultured and a charm that makes you feel like you’re in a Jane Austen book. He doesn’t quite understand America (or English, for that matter), and that makes him just adorable enough for you to want to put your non-European lips all over him. He’s perfect. But he’s really not. And what’s worse is that you won’t know him for long enough to realize that he’s just as average as all the guys you’ve known before him. So, when he leaves, you’ll think you lost the love of your life, when in reality you just lost another schmo.

5. That One Guy You Feel Sorry For

You kind of hate him because he’s sort of ugly, mostly annoying and still wears his Kingdom Hearts t-shirt from the eighth grade under a giant black hoodie. But then again you kind of love him because he’s always there, ready with a helping hand when you drop your pencil and a quick compliment even on your worst days. And you know that when he tells you you look pretty he genuinely means it; he’s not just trying to get into your pants. Because he probably knows he can’t. But if you make out with him in a bout of self-loathing and neediness, you’ll only end up feeling sorrier for yourself than you feel for him. TC mark

image – seeminglee

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  • soulunsold

    Thoughts on the (preferably drunk) Hot Gay Friend?

    • Anna

      OMG I have been attacked at the mouth by one of those! I vomited on his foot a month later so it made up for that.

      • Ryan

        Your karma system intrigues me. Tell me more.

  • sprigs

    Oops, guilty of #4. However, he did move and we've been together for 2 years now…I suppose it's not always so bad.

  • bruceleeroy

    the one thing about making out with your best friend: it's all-in for the next level or it'll be awkward for quite sometime.

  • Stevie Nix

    Guilty of 1, 2, & 5.

    Ended up having sex with 1, 2, & 5.

    Ended up dating, 1, 2 & 5.

    I have awful taste in men. But those three are my biggest regrets.

    5 gets cocky when he realizes he can get into your pants, even if it was really out of pity.

  • Comic Insult

    #6: Any guy with whom making out would constitute a breach of “Girl Code.”

  • http://twitter.com/crapface Hannah Foster.

    Incredibly guilty of #1. It seemed like a good idea at the time. So did getting nice and friendly with his penis. The next day I could barely look at him but my Grandmother offered him breakfast.

  • Mel

    Wait. On #4. Why must he be European? I like boys period.

  • http://twitter.com/FLYamSAM Denden

    This boy ended up dating number 5. I just can't stand him anymore… someone please help.

  • Derp

    5 is oddly specific. At least it's not me?

    feelsbadman.jpeg

  • Catt

    I agree with all but number 5, but that's only because my number 5 is currently my significant other and he's just as sweet as before we were dating.

  • http://www.facebook.com/gregpphoto Greg Petliski

    This article should be called “Five Types of Guys You Should Not (But Will Anyway) Make Out With (except for #5 which is bullshit). Not as catchy of a title, ya know, but I think its more accurate.

  • http://pinkimartini.tumblr.com pinkimartini

    Guilty of dating the United Nations…I always fall for the foreign guy…always! I never learn. I did however learn German, French, Italian, some Catalan, and Portugese…I intend to learn Swedish and maybe Russian this year ;)

  • http://twitter.com/Megshmee Meg Hall

    I made out with the foreign exchange kid and now I live in London…oops ; )

  • rina

    hey no KH dissing allowed!

  • ks

    + the sexually confused guy

  • SousChefGerard

    Turning #1 into a sex situation after the kiss is a breaking point. If it's just unresolved tension and both can't get past that, you're SCREWed. If you can remain friends after the boning, all good in the hood.

  • Falco

    Trite article is trite.

  • Angelina

    Guilty of #1 which led to a week of awkwardness and avoiding each other's eyes in class and barely speaking which was really unfortunate as we were best friends. Then a week later, he started dating this girl, decided he was going to move to NZ with her, and now they are engaged.

    To say I was confused is a huge understatement.

  • Angelina

    Guilty of #1 which led to a week of awkwardness and avoiding each other's eyes in class and barely speaking which was really unfortunate as we were best friends. Then a week later, he started dating this girl, decided he was going to move to NZ with her, and now they are engaged.

    To say I was confused is a huge understatement.

  • Angel

    Guilty of #5.. One of the worst things to do.

  • http://twitter.com/straponheart Evan Hatch

    well who am i supposed to make out with then? seems like i'm out of options now.

  • http://likethehours.wordpress.com/ devin howard

    things only get awkward if you let them, plus making out is like the shaking hands of inebriated excess, right?

  • Reallyyyydude

    I like Tokio Hotel because the singer is a really hot twink, and his twin brother is the most ridiculous looking wigger ever. He wears his pants like popular rappers used to wear them in 2004, and he has cornrows. They're both like, 110 pounds and 6'3 and he wears xxxxl sized clothing. Quality. Just cool story broing you because that's all I got out of this article.

    • douchegirl

      “COOL STORY BROING YOU” 

  • anonymous

    Guilty of #1. Big mistake! we were both tanked and I thought it might have meant there was something between us. Oh how I was wrong. Still locked into the friend-zone.

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