About two weeks ago, I found myself vegging out on the couch, my favorite activity on a cold Saturday. Channel surfing has become a new hobby of mine during this polar vortex nonsense. Anyway, while flipping through the menu I came across the animated classic Peter Pan. It’s been one of my favorite cartoons since I was just a wee thing — he was my first crush.
Needless to say, my excitement knew no bounds. I hadn’t seen the movie since I was probably about 10. I hunkered down, prepared for a very enjoyable two-ish hours with my cartoon love — but 30 minutes in, I was ready to throw myself out of my high-rise and/or find Peter Pan and punch him in the face.
As an adult, I have become aware of the fact that Disney movies have their flaws (racism, sexism, unrealistic expectations on love, etc. etc.) But I still love watching the magical world unfold on my television that was until I started watching Peter Pan. That movie singlehandedly ruined Disney movies for me. In two hours, I realized that Peter embodied every single pain in the ass attribute of the guys I have dated for the last few years.
I have been aware of the Peter Pan complex for years — ever since my college boyfriend of two years had his mother break-up with me. I always assumed that I was referring to the fact that Peter refuses to face reality and grow up, but now I realize that that it runs much deeper than the simple inability to face the realities of adulthood. The boy who never grew up is an ass.
Being unable to face the responsibilities of adulthood is the least of Peter’s mishaps. Much like every guy your mother tells you to stay away from, Peter is a bad guy. He’s a leader of a gang of obnoxious, young boys just like him — sign one that you should stay away. Take it from me, a guy who needs to travel in a pack of like-minded bros is probably going to devote his life to his friends and not consistently blow you off. Like Wendy, you are going to be an inconvenience until he decides he’s ready for a little female companionship. He’s one of those guys who wants to bro out at the bar and then come home and snuggle. He’s got a rep to protect after all, and showing that he actually cares about you would ruin his cred.
What was the worst wasn’t his deep, devotion to the merry band of lost boys, or his belief of the infallible magic of childhood — no, Peter’s biggest flaw was his cruelty toward the females in his life. Peter is the guy who knows he’s the shit. Girls love his swag. He’s obviously the President of the Frat of Neverland and probably their QB. Literally, every girl in his life is all about it. Really, every. girl: Tinkerbell (who is by far the superior character in the movie), Wendy (yes, she’s annoying, we know), the mermaids (hottest chicks of Neverland), and even the Native American Princess (who could probably kick his ass). And he’s totally “oblivious” to every single one of them. He expects Tinkerbell to supply him with pixie dust and generally help save his butt, and he expects everyone else to fawn over him like he’s God’s gift. He treats all the women in his life like they owe him something, despite the fact that he doesn’t give them much in return.
Basically, make sure you stay away from any guy even remotely resembling Peter Pan. We’ve all dated the occasional narcissistic momma’s boy, but the point is to learn from our mistakes.Make an effort to find a guy who isn’t going to dick you around. We all want what we can’t have, but let’s escape that mentality and crawl back into our windows. The man who’s worth your time will be able to supply his own magic.