I Was Wrong For Holding Onto The Idea Of Us

Ariel Lustre

Do you know the reason why the word ‘hurt’ is consistent when it comes to its past, present, and future tenses? It’s because people got hurt, people are hurt, and people will get hurt.

You once told me that you will never hurt me, and I held on to those words just like how I held on to us. I invested my energy on the idea of holding on, even if things seem to be falling apart. I was hopeful to the point that I became blind to the idea of things going wrong. Yeah, I was that dumb. But you know what love does.

One day, you don’t want to let me go. Another day, you’d just want to leave me behind. It was confusing what we really had. It was insane, like being in a roller coaster. One time you make me feel butterflies in my stomach, and then the next you make me feel sick to my stomach.

My friends constantly warned me about you, that I should stop acting dumb, that they hated seeing me hurt. I dodged their every advice, still wanting to see for myself what you have in store for us.

Like a wave, things flashed in front of me. You told me that you never really felt anything and you weren’t really open to the idea of us. You took my naivety to your advantage. You had me wrapped around your finger.

But you know what? I still have hope for you. I still believe that you will change, no matter how much you hurt me. I don’t want to etch an idea in my head that once a person hurts me, he will once again hurt me. Yes, there will still be a side where I’ll remember how you left a hole in my heart but grudges bear bigger ones, so why hold onto them? It won’t be easy at first but I will get used to it, just give me time.

I still have hope for you, that maybe you have hurt me but you won’t probably hurt the next person you come across in maybe, five or ten years.

Maybe you had your reasons, maybe you just didn’t love me the way I did, or maybe the timing was wrong. I get that. Things don’t always go our way.

Even though you hurt me, I won’t really blame it all on you. Part of being mature means accepting one’s mistakes, and that’s what I did. I know I did something wrong by holding on to the idea of us, and I accept that it was also my fault why I got hurt.

But, even if I still have hope for you, I won’t ever come back to you. TC mark

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