You noticed that lately, she’s different. She doesn’t seem as alive as she used to be or as close to you as she used to be. She seems withdrawn from you and from the rest of the world alike, and you don’t understand why. You think she’s mean and cold, but you don’t understand that she’s emotionally detaching to help herself survive this world.
She’s trying to co-exist with herself intact.
She loves and cares for you, so much, but it’s hard to see that lately because she’s learned that tearing down her walls only means being taken advantage of. Time and time again she has tried to open up to you and let you into her heart hoping you’d be able to move around without breaking anything but every time she does, you rampage your way in and start breaking things. Things like her confidence, integrity, trust, things like her emotional capacity.
You keep breaking things that aren’t yours to break; she needs of them as much as she gives of them but you’re too selfish to see that. You’re too selfish to realize that these things eventually run out and soon enough she’ll be running on fumes trying to suffice her own, but she won’t be able to. She’ll be empty.
She won’t have enough within for herself. And that’s when she’ll break.
She’ll break, and it would take every fiber in her bones to get back up again, and when she does, she won’t love you any less or care a little less, but she’ll always remember. She’ll never forget the compassion you lacked and the empathy you didn’t offer.
And she’ll start detaching from you.
She’d rather emotionally detach and strip herself of her need of your compassion, care, and love because every time she depends on them and starts trusting that the cane won’t break it does just that. It breaks and she falls and parts of her break too.
She’d rather emotionally detach because she now understands that no one is selfless enough to hold her as tenderly as she holds herself. And she has to hold herself because no one else will, at least not enough for her to trust and let go. No one will have empathy for her, no one will care for her and no one will love her the way she does herself.
She’d rather emotionally detach because she can only trust herself with herself.
She’d rather emotionally detach because she knows that letting her guard down and baring herself naked to you will leave her weak and she can’t allow herself to be weak. She won’t let herself seem weak to you or anyone else because the weak are extorted and used for their weakness and she’s tired of being taken for granted.
She’s tired of people using her empathy as leverage to get whatever they want from her whenever they please.
She doesn’t want to hurt you with the truth but you keep hurting her, so the only thing she can do is emotionally detach from you.
She wants you around regardless of how much you keep hurting her and regardless of how many times you punch because she loves you too much to never see you again, but not enough to trust you with her emotions.