She felt it the second she laid her eyes on him. She described it as the moment when, for as long as she would live, mere attention would no longer ever matter, because it would always pale in comparison to the soul shaking connection she had just made.
“He’s going to destroy me” she thought one night. The stark contrast of her whimpering voice set off against the gleam in her eye. She had willingly walked into a den and placed her beating heart in between the razor sharp teeth of a lion – her lion, the one who unknowingly was going to change the way she loved forever.
He would touch her arm and set her soul on fire. She craved him, with a hunger more fierce than a starving man’s for bread. She would get drunk off his natural scent and her head would always naturally find a perfect resting place on his chest. She lived for his sleepy, confused look in the morning right before he smiled at her, a smile so genuine that it would spread brightness in an often miserable world.
Nothing else existed in the moment. Nothing else would ever compare. She had lost sense of time, place, and even life outside of him. She knew that she couldn’t escape, even if she tried, even if the universe compelled her to, because he was buried in the depths of her heart.
She couldn’t cut loose. It was as though her heart strings had literally attached themselves to his beating heart and there was no tool sharp enough in the world to cut her free. It was the “connection” she would say – the ridiculous, heart melting, thought-consuming, can’t-live-without-you “connection.”
But even though she had made that soul shaking connection, even though her heart had found its resting place, she had to begin grieving the loss of her potential future – a future she never really had. A future she created in her mind where she knew that she would love him with every fibre of her being. She knew this because even now, when she was barely surviving, she loved him with every inch of her shaken soul.
And even though he destroyed her, even though he shook her to her very core, she knew that if she lived a thousand lifetimes, she would find him and she would choose him, every single time.
She lay in bed that night and let her thoughts consume her. She was drowning in her own sorrow and wondering if following her heart meant losing her mind. She remembered them saying that time heals all wounds, but could it ever take away the way her heart yearned for that soul shaking connection?
She willed herself to fall asleep, to escape the pain, but she dreamt of him that night – even her dreams wouldn’t allow a reprieve.
And in her dream, she turned to face her lion and she knew in that moment, whilst staring at her ruptured heart bleeding in his jaw, that he had destroyed her. Her entire relationship flashed by in her mind and then, whilst choking back tears, she said:
“All I wanted was you. My heart always yearned for you and even in a thousand lifetimes, in every type of alternate universe, my heart would search for you, find you and choose you.”
But he never would choose her and instead, in every lifetime, he would let her walk into his den so that he could unashamedly devour her wounded heart.