10 Police Officers Reveal The Weirdest Thing Someone Has Ever Done In The Back Of Their Squad Car (NSFW)

Trigger warning: some of the content in this article is NSFW
A police car
Unsplash / Matt Popovich

Found on Ask Reddit

1.

My buddy works a different section than me. Anyways, he books a guy for Public Intox, homeless dude acting a fool. While driving to the magistrates, he sees the dude hunched over crying from the backseat camera. He asked him whats wrong and the guy says he doesn’t feel well and he needs EMS. My buddy stops and opens the back seat and blood in running down his leg. My buddy, thinking this dude has a laceration or something starts to get out his tourniquet for his leg. Unbuckles him, and tries to get his pants off only to see that its no cut and blood is discharging from his dick. My buddy is in shock and calls for EMS immediately. Turns out the dude had a really bad case of chlamydia.

— theghostfacekilla

2.

My brother is a cop. Had a female stash her iPhone in her vagina so they couldn’t go through her call records (I forget why) while in his car. She was on ice. Took a female officer an hour to retrieve it. Suspect sneezed and it went skidding across the floor. Was bagged for evidence.

— confettifetish

3.

Sheriff Deputy here. I arrested a one arm prostitute and forgot to take her phone away so while on our way to jail she called 911 to say she was being kidnapped. Dispatch told the entire county what’s up (while laughing) and that was embarrassing to explain to everyone after I got back.

— FrankTheTank369

4.

The gal who pissed and shit herself while screaming, “I’m pissing and shitting myself you motherfucking bitch!”

— Human_musics

5.

My theater teacher in high school told me a story once about how the woman he, I think was questioning and not in hand cuffs, pulled out her tampon and sucked the blood out (suck might not be the right word) and then spit it all over the car.

— Zubberikan

6.

A guy on hallucinogenic drugs had taken a whole lot of viagra thinking it was Pez. (His exact words when asked what he’d taken were “I thought it was fuckin’ candy, that shit that comes – you know, out of the little animal heads!”) Cuffed him and had him in the back of the car, which he thought was a limo, and he was trying to get his arms either under or over his body so he could jerk off. He was high enough that I was kinda worried he’d succeed and fracture/dislocate something in the process, but we already had him strapped in as much as we could and decided to book it back to the station.

Anyway he didn’t succeed in getting his arms over his head and ended up rubbing off against the seat. It’s funny now but it wasn’t at 2am when I wanted to be watching Netflix.

Also had a guy who stored a bag of pills, some weed and a few tabs of acid up his ass. It was my second night on the job. He didn’t believe we’d do a cavity search; we did.

— pocketn3rd

7.

Took a really drunk guy to the hospital after spending some time in our holding cells. Dude, spit a giant puddle of loogies on my plastic seat. I asked him to clean it up, intending him to wipe it up with his sweat pants. Instead he bent down and zamboni’d (sucked up the spit) with his mouth. On the scale of gross things i’ve seen this is pretty minor.

— agordonwsu

8.

Asked me out.

— defnotacop-

9.

Alright, so a bit of a switch here. I was in the back of the car, cuffed and everything, but if you’ve ever been arrested you know they do that thing every 30 seconds or so where they look in the mirror to make sure you’re not planning shit, and I wasn’t having a great day but still had enough humour to know what the fuck I was about to do for the 40 min car ride……

Officer looks back;

wink

Officer checks again, presumably confused;

winks one eye at a time (The signature cultist blink)

Officer, now concerned

This went on for 40 minutes, keep in mind he was probably new on the job, he looked about 25-30 and I was a 17 year old girl, just silently sitting and winking.

— ArisuKiti

10.

I have a patient who is a cop. Apparently there’s a lot of pooping happening in the back of police cars.

— AHPLS2942

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