By now, my name has been left out of all conversations, replaced with “a girl I used to know.” He’ll soon learn all of your quirks — what you like, what you don’t, what scares you, what comforts you. He’ll be abrasive at first because what he and I shared was so real, intense and full of love.
Unfortunately for you, all of his actions will be hindered by the thoughts of me and their consequences. But, before you get angry at him for being closed off or quiet, know that this is his way of learning to love you.
You’ll learn to love the way he coughs when he laughs really hard, how he slurps his coffee when the mug is too full. You’ll learn to love how messy his room is and how there is always a gigantic pile of clean socks on the spare bed. You’ll be disgusted and impressed by how quickly he can eat a box of 24 packs of FunDip. You’ll learn that the scars on his arm are from when he fell outside in elementary school, the meanings of every tattoo on his body, and maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll see his silly boy scout uniforms.
You’ll spend Sundays watching the Jets and his family as they scream at the TV. You’ll learn that he will always answer his sister’s phone calls, even at 5AM when she is having a panic attack outside a bar. You’ll listen to his parents tell you stories about how he pretended he was a dinosaur when he was younger. You’ll learn all of his cousins’ nicknames and how they got them. You’ll learn why the number 54 has such deep meaning. You’ll give him a heart full of Reese’s on Valentine’s Day and you’ll learn how to make s’mores brownies for him.
And then, one Saturday afternoon you’ll look at his beautiful green eyes and realize that life couldn’t possibly get better than this. He will brush the hair out of your eyes and kiss you on the forehead and you’ll be on cloud nine. One day, your hand will feel empty without his inside of it. You’ll wake up next to him and watch him smile in his sleep, or see how he will cuddle his pillow so hard, or how he will pull you closer when you are already skin to skin.
Even though he and I are no longer together, I hope you get to experience all of this. He will feel like your home, your sanctuary…and on some wild nights, he will feel like your hell.
More importantly, you must love him fully and give him all that you can. He is the greatest thing you will ever come across and the greatest love you will ever have.
Even though he and I don’t speak anymore, I will learn of your fights and how you treat him. And trust me, if it is anything less than gold, you will hear from me.
Love always….a girl he used to know.