man in peach top

How Can I Move On When You Won’t Let Go?

You know exactly how you feel about me. You know what you want—you’re keeping your options open in case someone better comes along. I understand that I can’t make you feel something you don’t, and I know I can’t make you choose me. What I also know is I deserve better.

I deserve someone who doesn’t get off on giving mixed signals. I load my arsenal with harsh words and hurt emotions and I’m clear in letting you know your indecisiveness is causing me pain. I tell you I am no longer here for the back and forth and I will no longer be your backup plan. You agree you will let me go so I can do the same.

But you crave attention and you need my affection. Just when I’ve stopped thinking of you, you pop back up in the form of missed call or unread message. You stalk my profile, watching my stories but never following. You’re constantly there, but also not. I block your phone number, I block your profile; you know what they say, “out of sight, out of mind.”

Two months have gone by. I’ve grown and I’ve adjusted to your absence. I no longer wonder if you’re still thinking of me. Then one night as I get into my car, I check my phone and see two missed calls and a text message. “Hello??” I dial back the number, listen to the constant rings, only to be greeted by a Google Voice prompt. I’m instantly aware it’s you and I take the bait.

I’m curious to see what two months of growth looks like for you. I give you the chance you’ve been begging for, the chance to talk things out, but I’m disappointed to learn nothing has changed. Things will never be what they once were when we first met, no matter how much I wish it could be. I no longer want you, and you say you don’t want me, so just give me my space.

I don’t want to be your friend. I no longer like you as a person. How am I supposed to let go of the possibility of what we could have been when you won’t let me forget? Being able to heal, grow, and love is tough enough as it is. Please respect my process, my feelings, and my energy and just let go of what you said you didn’t want.

About the author
Recovering pessimist, trying to look on the bright side. Follow Maria on Instagram or read more articles from Maria on Thought Catalog.

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