Why fight fire with fire when you could burn the fire out with your beautiful hose of classiness and calmness?
I’ve always thought of myself as a fiery individual. After all, I am an aries.
Basically, I’m sure of myself in all things I do and I’m not afraid to take a stand. I’m a leader, a boss, and I’m fiercely independent. With all of this in mind, I always expected myself to pop off in arguments. I expected myself to be throwing fists and cuss words out of pure anger. But instead…
I win every argument by remaining calm and collected. Nothing but facts, honesty, and integrity.
You can learn a lot about a person by how they argue with someone. Most people argue without a filter or an image. You see what makes them angry. You see how they interact with others. And most importantly, you see how they treat others: their character. You realize what kind of person they are.
Next time you find yourself in an argument, keep calm. Win them over with nothing but pure class. Here’s what I like to do.
Do not let them hide. Confrontation is key.
I am not afraid of confrontation. In fact, I encourage it. That means no texts, no calls, no emails, no notes. Talk to me face to face. I’m not going to reply to words on a screen. So if you have an issue, I’d be glad to talk to you about it. When you give people the opportunity to hide, you give them the opportunity to be anyone and say anything. We may live in a virtual society, but you have to encourage that face-to-face interaction when it comes to arguments. Plus: it makes you look like a strong, bad-ass bitch.
Life example: I once had a roommate that only liked to communicate through text. I was fine with it until it was almost every day about the littlest of issues. So, I sent her a pretty lengthy text telling her how I felt. To this day, she holds a grudge about that text. I know it hurt her, but it was for her own good. Now she knows she can’t push me around. No more misinterpretation. No awkward moments. No annoying text messages. Just adult conversation.
Be caught off guard.
This is something that usually occurs naturally to me. But being caught off guard shows you have more things to focus on than other peoples’ petty little problems. It’ll make you have the power in the argument and it’ll make them seem batshit crazy. Clearly they thought things out, and you were too busy living your classy life as a classy individual to think about them. You go, Glen Coco. (This strategy can be a tad problematic at times. Like, don’t be caught off guard if you slept with your best friend’s girlfriend. That will only cause you social and physical harm. It’s best used in more minor arguments.)
Life example: A family member of mine was blowing up at me out of bottled anger one time. I knew although I triggered it, it was much deeper than just me. I let her scream and call me names, and by the end, she felt pretty bad about it. Ever since, her breakdowns have been kept to a minimum. If I fought it with fire and started screaming back at her, she would’ve thought her breakdown was justified and she would continue them. That’s not good for anyone now, is it? It just doesn’t seem healthy.
Do not deny your words or actions. Own up to them.
A weak person in an argument always puts the blame on the other individual involved. Literally, no matter what. People expect you to pretend like you didn’t talk about them behind their back. People expect you to come up with unrealistic excuses. But when you own up to what you did with a confident, self-assured attitude, that’s when they freeze up.
Life example: Person: I heard you said ____ about me.
Me: Yeah, and…?
Person: *is silent out of shock*
Person: (1 minute later) Well…uh..why did you..er..say that?
Me: Because that’s how I feel about you because _____. (End scene.)
It really is as simple as that. Don’t try to cut corners. Being upfront will make the argument short, sweet and honest.
Show you care, even if you don’t.
I like to think even the evilest of humans carry a small amount of empathy in their hearts. (If they have one.) But when you display compassion and try to understand the other individual, it shows you are an insanely amazing person. They will suddenly regret all of the psychotic things they said to you 5 minutes ago. Killing someone with kindness drives people cray-cray. Using phrases like, “I didn’t know you felt this way. / I would never do anything to hurt you. / I am glad you are letting this out,” are always good.
Life example: I could tell one of my managers at work was kind of mad at me because I didn’t show up to a mandatory meaning. Instead of bouncing off of her negative energy and taking it personal, I understood her struggle and went about my day, continuing to be the good employee she knows me to be. I tried conversing with her like normal and by the end of the day our relationship was better than ever. It could’ve been painfully awkward but I avoided that by treating her with respect.
Hit them hard with words that’ll haunt them for the rest of their lives.
Will they really care if you yell at them for not doing dishes? Will it hurt them deep in the soul if you call them ugly or rude? If you tell them to “go to hell,” do you expect them to cry over your uncreative comeback? Of course not. Think about their fears and their weaknesses. Use your words wisely. Forget empty cussing, forget superficial comments, forget mindless yelling. You have to get them thinking. Try to make them realize what they did wrong.
Life example: This guy I went to high school with tried to cyber bully me after we graduated. He made dozens of accounts on each social platform and was telling everyone he knew to do it. The words didn’t affect me, it was his actions. We had a pretty good relationship and I was annoyed I even had to deal with his frivolous actions. So, I told him, “I know exactly who this is and it’s good to hear from you. Glad to see you’re the asshole everyone expected you to turn out to be.” He stopped with his messages at that point. I knew what would hit his weak spot and I hope he realized what he did wrong.