Graduation day is the best day of your life. It signifies the end of your school career and the beginning of your adulthood. It’s also the day that you receive a really fancy receipt to show for your four years of hard work and your future years of severe debt and inability to afford milk. This receipt-colleges call it a “diploma”- should be used wisely and displayed proudly. Below are some examples of what you can do with your diploma.
1. Laminate it and use it as a placemat
The lamination will protect your diploma against stains from red wine, Mac and Cheese and – most importantly – your tears. You may want to double laminate it if you majored in anthropology, liberal arts or philosophy.
2. Photocopy it and use it as the paper you take orders with at Applebee’s
People may be more inclined to give you a bigger tip if they see that you’re a college graduate. Or, they may be more inclined laugh in your face. It’s worth a try.
3. Hang it up at your receptionist job so your coworkers trust that you know how to answer a phone
It’s almost astonishing how many people seem like they need to take a class to learn how to answer a phone. But not you! You have a degree. Which basically guarantees that you know how to pick up a phone when it makes strange ringing sounds!
4. Carry it with you EVERYWHERE
Consider this piece of paper as a very expensive purse that can’t hold anything. Tie some rope to the corners and you have an accessory worth more than any Louis Vuitton item on eBay.
5. Wrap it up as a present and give it to your parents for Christmas/Hanukah/birthday
Since you don’t really have anything to show for your parents’ reason for taking out a second mortgage, the least you can do is give them your diploma. We all know you won’t be able to pay them back for a LONG time, but this is a great start.
6. Frame it and hide the money you make from stripping/drug dealing behind it
No one will suspect a thing.
7. Scan it, print it using a 3D printer, fill it with candy and use it as a piñata
Only do this for special occasions, like getting fired from an internship or applying to work at the mall.
8. Scan it, print it using a 3D printer and beat the living crap out of it
Trust me, the paper cuts will be worth it.
Whatever you decide to do with your diploma is your prerogative. But remember, even if you accidentally toss your diploma into a burning fireplace, or put floaties on it to see if it can swim, you will always have solid proof of your college degree on your LinkedIn page that no one ever views. Get creative!