An Open Letter To My Younger Self About Dating

God & Man

To my dear younger self,

You’re going to meet people. A lot of people. Each one will be different so don’t be too naive to think that they all have good intentions. Now before I impart to you the wisdom I have gathered over the years, I need to tell you this very VERY important skill that you need to master.

               Girl, you need to chill.

This whole letter will revolve around those words because being “chill” is probably the greatest skill that you will benefit most from if you’re navigating your way in the modern dating world. It’s a very easy thing to say but hard to do, but don’t worry as I will keep reminding you of it as we go on just in case you forget halfway through this letter.

Girl, you need to chill. Do your assignments first before you reply to whoever that guy you’re texting. You do you. Those boys will come and go but your grades will stick around on your student record forever. See? Loyalty. The guys you’ll eventually date don’t have that.

Prioritize yourself and your goals more before you give your attention to those weird creatures called boys who shower you with words of flattery which they most likely do so with 15 other girls. Remember that the one who is serious about you will wait for you and support you with what you want to do while checking out other girls on the side because “boys will be boys.”

You need to chill. When you like someone, stop jumping into the future and thinking about how many dogs you’re going to have or how your kids will look like or if he’s going to cry in the church’s altar on your wedding day or not. You just literally met the person and you don’t know yet if they’re allergic to dogs which is a total turn off if it happens to be so. Get to know them first. Really figure out their true self. Trust me, their rock-hard abs won’t matter if their heart is rock-hard as well.

Girl, you have to chill. Grab a chill pill when you like someone. I know your senses seem to leave you when you start falling for them so start exercising that brain not only in your studies but also when dating. See, you need to stop dissecting every little detail of a guy’s actions, text message, and/or the slight change in their tone of voice. When a guy is into you, he will make sure you know. You won’t be spending time reading articles on google about “Signs He’s Into You” or foolishly taking those “Does he like you?” quizzes because he’ll make sure that you’re spending time with him instead. Leave the poor flower in peace and don’t wonder if he likes you or he likes you not. There won’t be any mixed signals. If a guy likes you, they will pursue you.

Girl, you got to chill. Even if you like the guy, stop making excuses for their shortfalls. You’re doing a disservice to nobody but yourself. You deserve to be treated like the #kween that you are so don’t stick around with someone who’s way below your standards. Next time a guy tells you that your expectations are too high, just turn around and leave. Believe me, your standards aren’t unrealistic. Know why? Because those are exactly the kind of things that you would do for them. Now if they can’t even meet you halfway, are you sure you would want to settle for that? The previous guy you dated is 6-foot-tall but still couldn’t reach your standards. Pathetic. Girl, next time don’t lower your standards below than the height of your high heels.

Girl, chill. Don’t change yourself to fit the ideals of someone else. You be your weird self and throw around your glittery sass. The right person will love you for who you are. If not, maybe you can force your cat to love you instead. But seriously, wait for the one who won’t think that you having answers to everything that they say is annoying just because they couldn’t think of a better comeback. The right one will appreciate you and your smart mouth and how you can carry a conversation. Moreover, don’t try to be cuter or sexier or nicer just to impress someone. It doesn’t work that way. You can be the best of the best at something but that still won’t be enough for the wrong person. Ironically, you can be in your ugliest state in front of the right one and they’d still be in awe and think you’re some fictitious character like a mermaid or a unicorn. Really. Don’t change your hobbies, taste in music, face structure, or maybe even your beliefs and values just so you would fit into the other person’s “type”. Date someone who will not erase your individuality but will cherish it and support you as you slowly grow into the woman you’ve always wanted to be.

Seriously, girl, you need to chill. Guys aren’t charity work. Stop dating those who don’t know how to care for themselves because you want to “fix them.” Date someone who will take care of you instead not because you need taking care of because you’re already a strong independent young woman but because they want to care for you and maybe even spoil you. Listen to me, the moment you meet a guy who tells you about how crazy his ex is but still talk to her or how stupid his lecturers are because he doesn’t get what to do with the assignment, turn around and run away. You already got more issues than vogue. Don’t add more.

Chill. Your 3rd-degree cousins don’t need to know who you’re dating. Your free 3-month trial on Spotify lasted longer than your relationships so don’t put anything up on social media. Keep who you’re dating to yourself. Yap to your best friends, yes. But social media? Really? What do other people got to do with it? Your relationship should only be between you and your partner. You don’t need a validation from your Aunt Susan that you look good together. Because (1) chemistry isn’t important because you’re not filming a Nicholas Sparks movie; and (2) you don’t have any aunt named Susan.

While we’re on that topic, don’t you listen to those people who tell you “you’re single because your standards are too high” crap. If they truly care about you, they will want what’s best for you and nothing less. People still tell you that good looking guys will most likely cheat on you? Pfft. Even ugly ones cheat so why not finish strong and go for the genetically blessed ones? Stop the madness and don’t settle.

Girl, you need to chill. Why do you want to have a boyfriend anyway? Ain’t it fun to be third-wheeling? Also, listen to how dramatic and messy relationships are these days based on your monthly subscription to your friends’ love stories. Relationships aren’t only about going on dates and having an Instagram boyfriend although that would be really nice for your blogging. Relationships require commitment and if you’re only willing to commit to your Netflix subscription, then you’re not ready. But silly, you’re still young. Enjoy your single life and go on more adventures with your friends and make lifelong friends. Spend more time with your family and focus on yourself and your goals. Love will come along and find you someday. And it should be easy. If it’s not all fun and games now that you’re still just dating, how much worse when you are married?

Much love,

Yourself ver. 2.0 Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Just another girl who likes to blog and read poetry in her spare time.

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