It can happen to ANYONE. You tell yourself you’ll never fall into the trap of being that emotionally needy woman who wants constant reassurance from her boyfriend (or girlfriend). And then all of a sudden you become the girl who needs CONSTANT attention from her significant other. You want to see them all the time, if a text or call doesn’t come you start to go crazy, and in turn you begin to SUFFOCATE them. This kind of behavior will inevitably potentially ruin your relationship. But if you sense you’re becoming that person there’s a solution, take a deep breath and stop being so needy. Here are my tips and tricks!
1. Take a deep breath and realize they do truly care about you, that’s why they’re with you. You don’t need them to call you everyday to be sure of this. Have some faith girl.
2. Continue to live your independent life. Keep working on yourself and never lose sight of that fact that you’re a secure and strong woman with a life of your OWN separate from your boyfriend or partner. You don’t always need to be a “we” or an “us,” you’re a YOU! Be that YOU!
3. Give your Significant other a break from constant communication and togetherness. If they need space and time apart give it to them. If they ask for alone time respect their wishes and leave them the hell alone! Let them miss you, and believe me they will.
4. Trust them. Give them the benefit of the doubt, if they say they’re busy BELIEVE it. Don’t start to panic that they’re distancing themselves from you and attempting to find an exit strategy just because they haven’t texted back in 10 minutes. They’re probably legitimately busy, and you should be too.
5. Stop over analyzing EVERYTHING. So they answer a text with “k,” instead of a more in depth response. So the hell what? It doesn’t mean they stopped caring, it doesn’t mean they hate you, it just means they suck at texting.
6. Rediscover a passion/hobby that you let fall to the wayside when you started your relationship. It’s easy to drop things you use to care about when you start dating someone. Unfortunately losing yourself and your passions because you’re coupled up is NOT HEALTHY. Get back into something you love doing, like writing, acting, painting, yoga, knitting, baking, unicycling etc.
7. Take up a brand NEW hobby on your own. Start taking Pilates, go to dance classes, hey why not try rock climbing, or skydiving? Okay, that last one may be too cray! Go do something apart from your significant other that is fulfilling and awesome.
8. Enjoy alone time. Take a bubble bath, go to the spa, read, take a long nap, go to the gym, take a long walk on the beach etc. Me time is SOOO important in a relationship. To co-dependent people it can seem daunting but it can be be amazing. Try it, it’s awesome!
9. RELAX! Stop worrying about the outcome of the future. Plus stop putting SOOOO much pressure on yourself and your significant to make this the perfect relationship, nothing and no one is 100% perfect.
10. Go out with the girls/friends. Take some time to hangout with your friends apart from your significant other. Don’t blow off your friends the moment you start dating someone, that’s TOXIC. They’ve been there before in times of trouble and when you need to vent they’ll listen when you’re boyfriend isn’t around. Also you can’t vent about your boyfriend to your boyfriend, you need some friends around to help you rationalize.
11. Talk to a therapist. Sometimes getting PROFESSIONAL help is the best way to go about fixing your neediness. A psychologist or an LCSW might be able to pinpoint the source of your neediness which will make fixing the issue so much easier! It may be expensive but it totally pays off.
12. And finally, LOVE yourself! Yes, it’s so cliche but if you can’t love yourself and take care of yourself how can your significant other? You need to take care of your own needs, you can’t just rely on your partner to do all the work!
This post originally appeared at Postgraduate Girl Problems.