(1) You know every member of The Manson Family from Squeaky Fromme to Sadie Atkins to Charles himself. You also have doubts about Leslie Van Houten’s conviction, and the fact that you even know her name is a HUGE sign you know way too much about true crime.
(2) 48 Hours Mystery, what mystery? You’ve got the crime solved 10 minutes in. The wife’s dead, obviously it’s the cheating husband who wanted to be with his mistress, duh!
(3) There isn’t a serial killer you haven’t heard of. From John Wayne Gacy to Aileen Wuornos to Ted Bundy to BTK to The Craigslist Killer you know them all. Not personally of course, but if you had to have dinner with one of them it would definitely be Aileen, gotta love Monster.
(4) You’d rather stay at home watching Investigation Discovery on a Saturday night than to actually interact and socialize with living breathing human beings. Living people are just way too boring for you.
(5) Anytime a celebrity dies you immediately wonder if there was foul play and eagerly await the autopsy report.
(6) You find yourself mentioning murder cases on a first date, he never calls you again, and oh he’ll regret it.
(7) You can’t open the front door anymore without looking through the peephole first. It could be a murderer.
(8) You often think about the way you’d want to be murdered if you came to that unfortunate fate. Definitely a plain and simple gunshot wound to the head, fast and relatively painless.
(9) You think every creepy looking guy is a potential pedophile/rapist/serial killer.
(10) Law and Order SVU, Orange Is The New Black, CSI, those shows are nothing compared to the real thing.
(11) You know that the person who is only filmed from the neck up is the perp because the producers have decided to hide their prison uniform as to keep everything a mystery.
(12) You lock every door and every window in your house before going to bed, and you go back and check to see if everything is still secure at least 7 times.
(13) You’ve thought about what your last meal would be if you were on death row. Lobster, definitely wanna milk the system for all it’s worth.
(14) You have an escape plan all ready if you ever get abducted.
(15) You’re totally looking forward to Jury Duty.