Be brave and continue. I know you’re lonely. I know there are many things that keep on running in your head. Why do I have to live in a broken family? Why do I have to suffer like this? Why they can’t accept me for being gay? Or being a lesbian?
Why do I have to hide myself in a world like this? Why do I have to keep all my problems by myself? Why am I here in this place of insensitivity and endless discrimination?
Why cannot I be at peace?
I know you’re trying to reach out to your family, to your parents, to your brother, to your friend, to your teacher, and to your loved ones. I know you’re trying to narrate how you keep on living despite the temptation of ending it all.
I know you’re tired. I know you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know you’re tired being fucked up in this fucked up system.
But please, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. It’s okay that sometimes you feel invisible, you feel worthless, you feel alone. It’s okay that you have to silently shut up and be gone from the world sometimes.
It’s okay if you chose to not answer the question, “Are you okay?” Hell, it’s even alright if you say, “No, I am nowhere near alright.”
It’s okay if you need to be alone with yourself, to eat by yourself, and to think by yourself. It’s okay if you need to walk all alone, to read all alone, and to sleep all day and all night. It’s okay to cry on every pillow, and to shout at every vacant space. It’s okay that you do all these things–as long as you continue living.
You might feel this emptiness for a very long time and wonder why the hell it won’t go away as easily as it arrived. You might feel this eerie sense of worthlessness, of having no value, of breathing but not existing, and of being taken for granted by people.
You might feel that no one feels you, that no one sees you continuously dying, that no one wants to offer a shoulder for you. You might feel like you’re being ripped by a thousand knives every day. You might feel neglected. You might feel avoided. You might feel intentionally hurt.
But this I tell you, all of these storms have endings.
You will suffer, but you will endure. You will be lonely, but you will be happy. You will be forgotten, but you will be loved. You will fall, but you will rise. You will cry, but you will always try.
You will be shattered, but you will be fixed. You will sacrifice, but you will receive. You will be bruised, but your wounds will make you grow. You will hate yourself, but self-appreciation will come shortly after. You will be cold, but fire will rage soon.
You will stop, but you will continue. You will be hurt, but you will be a human. You will be lost, but you will be found.
I hope you take joy at the truth that someone understands you. Someone out there knows what you’ve been going through and understands what you feel. I hope you don’t give up. I hope you continue because someone has survived that agonizing period. And you, too, can be a survivor and a champion. You are more than what you feel today. You are more than your pain. You are not your pain.
So put your hand at your chest and say, “Fight.”