Be With The Person Who’s Scared Of Everything About A Relationship

hannah cauhepe

We’re all scared. We’re scared of height, we’re scared of failures, we’re scared of rejections, we’re scared of trying and the list goes on. For some of us, we’re scared of investing time and energy into something only to find out later it’s not worth it.

Relationships aren’t just about two souls falling in love and that’s it. It takes commitment, trust and respect to make it work. Hell, it takes a lot of crying, arguments and patience.

No matter how compatible two people are, they will always be two different individuals with two different stories, backgrounds and histories.

One person might love physical touch while the other person is more reserved. One person might enjoy socialising while the other person enjoys the serenity of a quiet space. One person might be more adventurous and love trying new things while the other person tend to navigate the life around the same hobbies and surrounding. But at the end of the day, that should make a relationship worth it, isn’t it?

But what scares most people is when we invest months and years of life into this, only later to figure out that it’s supposed to end.

I’m not a fan of separation or even a divorce. Some people might look at these two options as a way to escape or even an excuse to leave. But for me, once I invest my feelings and energy into something, I am not turning back. I am here with you until the end.

Unless, the other person decides it’s really the end of it. We’re all afraid of this. When I look at some friends who used to be in one year or even five years of relationships, then all of a sudden they just broke up and went silent, I can’t help but always wonder how does it feel to be so broken after investing that much time into something?

It always trigger a fear in me. A fear saying that I’m not good enough for someone or that I shouldn’t start something at all just because I know I can’t deal with this fear. But then again, if you never try you’ll never know. What if the next person is truly worth your time? What if the next relationship will be the last relationship and the one that will get you excited waking up next to that person every morning?

Fear is actually good. Especially if it keeps you thinking straight. No, I am not talking about anxieties or lack of self-esteem. I am talking about the fear of losing someone or letting go of something. The fear of trying again just because you don’t want to get hurt again. Some people use their fear to fight their own fear. Sometimes fear keeps you motivated to make the relationship alive.

You use your past experiences to make sure you don’t repeat the same history. You use other people’s experiences to make sure you don’t go through the same thing.

You are scared. Hell, you are scared to death because you care. Because you love them. Because you want to be with them and it’s okay.

I’m pretty sure they want to be with you too. I’m confident they love you too. I bet they are scared to death too. But their fear motivate them to keep this relationship because they’re so afraid of losing you. Because they went through it before or they saw their friends crying from broken hearts. They don’t want that. They learned from all of that and they don’t want to let you go. Because they’re afraid. That kind of fear is what we’re talking about. The one that holds you down but at the same time frees your soul.

But if they aren’t scared, not even a tiny bit, then perhaps it’s time for you to start looking for someone who is scared. Someone who comes with emotional baggage but at the same time still wants to fight against their fear. Someone who will be there when you call them at 4 o’clock in the morning just because you can’t sleep at night. Someone who is willing to do anything and everything just to be with you and to see you happy.

Someone who is scared but not afraid to take the risks.

Someone who isn’t in the relationship just because it’s convenient. But someone who knows how to appreciate and to show you what true love is. Someone who has the same mind set toward a relationship as you do. You need someone who is willing to make it work just like you do, you know.

That kind of someone, hold them tight. Hold them tight, sweetheart. They’re rare. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

A Dayak-Malaysian who is currently based in New York.

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