My mom died when I was 19, I’m still young and still in the process of finding myself. Who am I and what are my dreams and aspirations?
My mom was the one I can always talk to. She was the one who constantly nagged me to make my bed, study hard and dream big. She wanted me to be the best in everything.
I grew up to be an overachiever, perfectionist and driven kind of girl. I always want to be the best, the number one, the different kind of girl.
My mom, well she was a laid back, go with the flow kind of girl. She was different too.
My mom died of a sudden illness. I remember it was one Saturday morning. I texted her that I’m hungry and she should bring some food.
To this day I never got a reply back.
I was overwhelmed when I learned that she passed away. I was so sick to my stomach. Couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think straight — just like it was all a dream and maybe, maybe soon enough I’ll wake up.
My mom who told me that she wants me to be a doctor. My mom who told me that love is always kind and true. My mom who saw me as different and the responsible kind of a daughter.
My mom who expected a lot from me.
Never thought that I’ll lose my mom. Never thought that she was not there at the back of the auditorium when I graduated from college. I never thought that she’s not going to see me graduate from Medicine. She will never see me become a doctor. She will never see my brother graduate from High School and College. She will never see me get married and build my own family.
It shook me to my core. It was a nightmare, unending nightmare.
Because losing your mom will never be healed with time.
But it gets better, life gets better and you get better.
Yes, the pain and the emptiness will always be there. You just have to learn to live with the pain and not let it consume you.
Because always, always brighter days are coming.
To my Mom, you will be missed.