Let’s take a moment to discuss the rare phenomenon that I like to call awkward hot. It’s time we address this underserved population of human beings. No, I’m not referring to that long-ago time when the world still cared about Michael Cera. To be perfectly clear, awkward hot does not refer to the somewhat goofy-looking guy or gal who wins us over with their effusiveness and charm. Nor does it refer to the Zooey Deschanel brand of attractive person whose “quirkiness” or minor nerdy ticks make them irresistibly adorkable to us all. No, awkward hot is a much more complex issue. Awkward hot is essentially a person whose total, debilitating social awkwardness is seemingly at odds with their undeniable hotness. Imagine the character of Abed from Community inside Charlie Hunnam’s body. It might seem too bizarre to be true, but these people are out there, and if you find one it’s like capturing the rare Pokemon Celebi or dating a Victoria’s Secret Angel.
As it turns out, not all real-life Sheldon Coopers look like Sheldon Cooper. Some of them look like Marissa Cooper (circa 2003, not now). If you haven’t met one of these strange creatures yet, it’s probably because they’ve been too scared to talk to you. What’s most interesting about this type of person is that he or she basically has to rely solely on physical attractiveness to draw others in. Wallflowers to the extreme, looking vastly prettier than the rest of us earthly dwellers is about all they have to offer in a party setting or even tucked away in their office cubicle among socializing coworkers. So you think, “how boring! Why waste your time?” Well, those who have fallen under the spell of the awkward hot know that there is definitely a strong attraction that surpasses the limits of your amour’s perfect body or luminescent face.
No matter the venue or crowd, any time I go out I’ll automatically find the guy who’s simultaneously the best-looking and most socially inept person in the room. Then I’ll immediately decide I need to get naked with him and do my best to make that happen. I cannot resist the allure of awkward hot. Here’s the real reason why: in a crowded party full of guys trying to impress you with how funny or clever they are, it’s refreshing to meet someone who already knows he’s not going to make your panties drop with anything he has to say. Lacking any false social charms, this guy is adorable just trying to choke out basic pleasantries. Some people simply don’t have the patience for this, but if you can weather a choppy conversation it’s always worth the effort.
Take him or her back to your place. Where you’re going, you don’t need words. Sure there’s always the risk of awkward sex, but who cares – laugh it off and congratulate yourself because they’re so fucking hot!