Rate Topless Girl’s Titties Day Is Almost Here!

fotoduki / (Shutterstock.com)
fotoduki / (Shutterstock.com)

Sunday, August 24th is this year’s date for International Go Topless Day. Go Topless Day was started in 2007 to highlight legal and cultural double standards between the sexes. Why is it OK for a man to walk around with his shirt off but it’s not OK for a woman to do it? I’ll tell you what. It’s fucking NOT OK! It’s bullshit is what it is.

That’s why this year we’re holding the Second Annual International Rate Topless Girls’ Titties Day! Last year’s inaugural event was such a hit we had to do it again. With the exception of one incident where I was kicked in the testicles by a Puerto Rican ratchet lesbian named Candy (I’d rate her a 2.3), everything went off without a hitch. Join me and all my drunk buddies as we ogle the luscious fruits of nature as they bounce and undulate in public.

But there will be a lot more than ogling going on. After all, the day is all about documenting the beautiful march to equality as our sisters protest the gross injustice of being expected to wear clothing in public. We will be there to rate the titties, not just look at them.

With oppressive laws that ban the female form, it’s difficult to see boobs without a high-speed Internet connection. So come and join us. They’re going to be everywhere!

Not convinced yet? Well here’s something that might change your mind about coming. This next bit is only for guys and gold-star lesbians who are interested in the event. If you’re a straight woman, stop reading here.

Wait, who am I kidding? Everyone knows Thought Catalog is a safe space for men. It’s not like any women are reading this article, so let me just say this: single guys—who’s more down to fuck than a bunch of ladies who believe in going topless for equality? A bunch of ladies who believe in flying saucers AND going topless for equality, that’s who!

That’s right. Go Topless Day was started by the Raelians, the world’s second funniest flying saucer cult that isn’t Scientology. (The #1 spot is already occupied by the ones who offed themselves to hitch a ride on a comet. That shit was hilarious.)

So come to the event and look for the girls who have a dumb “I’m in a sci-fi cult” gleam in their eyes. Don’t forget to bring plenty of lube and leave the condoms at home. These UFO-worshipping retards are too dumb to use those anyway.

The pre-event meetup is Sunday, August 24th at 12 noon. We’ll be meeting at the same bar we used last year:

The Monster
80 Grove St (Sheridan Square)
New York, NY 10014
West Village

Print out the name badge below and wear it to the bar so we know you’re there for the boobie meet-up. If you don’t have the ability to print labels at home, we’ll have plenty of name badges available the day of the event. Just tell the man at the door “I’m here to see some titties,” and he should be able to let you know where we are.

A reminder for the day of the event: Don’t be an asshole. These ladies are nice enough to let you look at their bare udders, so be polite, even to the revolting ones who look like they have mottled wineskins hanging from their collarbones. This event is not about ridicule; it’s about appreciation. Appreciation and scoring on a scale of 1-10.

Let’s rate some titties for equality! TC mark

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