Again, you kept remembering your memories together…
Those blissful ones, filled with smiles and laughters. They made you think how easy it was for you to feel such happiness without much effort. You saw how it worked for him too.
And now, those moments were tarnished with pain and endless tears.
How come those memories faded for him that easily, when they have forever marked in your memory?
Again, you kept remembering the words he said…
Those hilarious ones. Those sweet romantic words that tamed your ferocious dragons inside and gave you colorful butterflies instead.
And now, they turned out as stabbing phrases. Mind twisting statements and sentences that got you overthinking.
How come those words for him, seemed meaningless, when those made you take risks and be fearless?
Again, you kept remembering his actions…
Those little gestures and simple acts of kindness. Those that supported his words and made you believe it was all real.
And now, they turned out as flawed. They were questionable. They became games of leading on and goofing around.
How come those actions, for him, were entirely nothing, when they became the bases of your everything?
Again, you kept on thinking that he truly cared for you…
But you knew if he truly did, he would’ve stopped when he saw you flash a broken smile. If he treasured you enough, he wouldn’t have let you bawl your eyes from crying, every night.
Again, you kept on saying he really tried protecting you…
But you knew if he did, he wouldn’t have stripped you naked and left you vulnerable in the open. He wouldn’t have let you be exposed to harm and pain. He wouldn’t have shattered your already broken heart.
Again, you kept on seeing that he was really good for you…
But you knew if he truly was, he wouldn’t have messed up with your mind and let you overthink. He wouldn’t have screwed up your feelings and left crumbs to another one. He wouldn’t have made you feel uncomfortable by seeing him fall for another soul.
You knew… You knew that you knew better.
Again, you kept on reminding yourself that he settled for the miniscule. For the temporary. For the risk. But he couldn’t even take the permanent thing you freely gave.
You knew so well that you have so much in you. So why would you keep on remembering him, when he never thought that much about you? Why would you allow yourself to settle for less? For the reckless? For the player? For the thief who stole your everything?
You knew why. You knew it all well. You knew because you really loved him that much.
But please be kind to yourself. Do yourself a favor. Let go of his mixed- meaningful words, his misleading actions and his half hearted, half baked feelings. Stop, turn around and take control. If a must, make a detour.
Don’t allow yourself to be caught in the traffic of in between, maybes and what ifs.
Let go. Learn. Grow. Live. Repeat.
Let this be your cycle, even if it would be a very tiring one.
Because honestly, you are not meant to be the almost, the what if and the other choice. You are never a fall back. You are exactly, the priority. You’re the WHAT SHOULD BE.
Remind yourself about this again.
In case you’ve forgotten…