I’m that kind of girl, who was comfortable with being alone often. But was clearly aware, she wasn’t always the sad stereotype.
I myself couldn’t understand why they think that being alone was an equivalent of melancholia.
But it wasn’t really anything like that. I was just there often, sitting, enjoying the leaves falling… I was there, left undisturbed. I always loved it anyway, embracing the gift of peace within me. I was already satisfied as I adored the colors fading in. Often smiling at the leafless trees and feeling the prefect blend of temperature against my skin.
But that one autumn morning, you suddenly joined me in.
You blew the gentlest of all winds. I felt it all. Your urge to pull me close, and draw me in. And you then started, by asking me to stroll with you.
Well, you fairly reminded me of my distant childhood as we stepped unto the crunchy leaves scattered on the ground. You made me reminisce moments I’ve long forgotten. It was perfectly calm and serene. I felt at peace, that your collective air opened my secured portals.
You liberated me. You exposed me to the world of open reality. You showed me how alone time could be that great. But you made me feel that happiness would be at its finest when shared with another soul.
It was all amusing, but also, terrifying.
It was so sudden for a change. It was something new to me. And I knew, from that very moment, it was a different type of fall. And everything, will never be the same as ever.
You were like springtime coming alive.
Your smiles reminded me of minute buds of feelings slowly blossoming into beautiful flowers. Your laughter reminded me of birds chirping and hopping in between trees. You were like a breath of fresh air. You brought me a tinge of hope and a hidden fountain of joy.
You made me believe in fresh starts and second chances. You awakened my remote, buried feelings. You tamed my wild dragons and sent me colorful butterflies instead. It was dreamy and gay for me. But I can’t lie further. It was all pretty awesome.
Yes. Indeed, it felt amazing.
Your eyes… they were brown. Pretty ordinary, I must say. But as we continually held each other’s gaze, I began to see through your soul. I bet, you’ve seen through mine as well. I saw your innate beauty.
And then it happened. Brown wasn’t just a color anymore. It became my most favorite hue, later on.
But you also brought me an unexpected winter.
I was so delighted to feel the snow with my bare hands. It was another first. It felt pure and heavenly. To see the flakes falling dramatically from the dark skies. And so, I attempted to build my own snow figures. A temporary solace probably, or so I thought. But your feelings of confusion destroyed it in an avalanche.
I wrapped myself around in scarves and mittens. I covered myself in unusual thick layers. I tried finding a bit of warmth from you. But as I reached out my hand, you gave me frostbite. Your biting cold passed through my thick layers. It was all seeping… and prickly… Numbing me, way deep down to my core. I was freezing. Almost to death.
I never thought you’ll leave me all alone. I solely faced your angriest blizzards I’ve never felt before.
Then, you spared me a bit of your light. It was just a peek from your cloudy sky, but it gave me a chance to stay alive. Or so I thought.
It started with light rays, until they became wide beams. Your sudden happiness was so contagious, I can’t help but grin as well.
You were having your greatest summer, and there I was, looking at you in a distance.
I was observing you having your time of your life, frolicking under the heat of the blazing sun.
Your perkiness and your carefree spirit were too evident. You were too nice. And amazing, I was afraid everyone would like you too. There was something disturbing me from the inside, but your happiness was just so great for me to witness. And so, I let you be.
And so your light, has indeed, blinded me temporarily. It made me squint. And maybe, well, apparently, the soul you caught after me, she was blinded too.
Your summer heat has burned me enough. You made me parched, wilted and extremely exhausted. You drained everything from me. But there you were, oblivious of the damage you’ve caused.
You were still becoming more and more radiant. You were glowing so bright. Drenched in the intensity of your own feelings. You were there, spreading warmth to the extremes.
You were there, sharing your immense emotion with her. Your so called-Love. To the girl you said you’ve chosen. To the girl you’ve led on at the same day of autumn… To the girl who was there beside me too.
To the girl I clearly knew.
To a different girl, who ended up not me.