College is a time for experimentation in all aspects of life. The one that seems to be the most prevalent, however, is experimentation with booze. A lot of it. I’m talking an entire 1.5L bottle split between three people easily type nonsense. However, college is also a time of learning valuable life lessons that can’t be taught in a classroom. You can learn a lot in the basement of a fraternity house from a girl who just beer-bonged a decent amount of Franzia.
1. Rejection is a part of life.
Trust me, your ex-boyfriend is not posting pictures of him with his new girlfriend to make you jealous. Unless he’s making the caption something like, “Change is good.” It happens, but hold your head up high. They say yesterday’s history, and tomorrow’s a mystery. Also, if some guy doesn’t want to grind against you on a beer-soaked basement wall, that’s okay. There’s plenty of fish in the sea. You keep doing you girl, and people will appreciate that in and of itself.
2. Self-esteem is essential.
As a gay male, I’ve spent a lot of time pre-gaming some lame party with a bunch of girls who are taking shots in between changing in and out of outfits for over an hour. It’s a mind-numbing experience. When one is asked, “Do you like how this shirt looks? I feel like it makes my hips stick out too much and I don’t like the collar. What do you think?” more than three times in one night, there’s no other response at that point rather than saying, “It looks good.” Go with your gut. You’re not wearing too much eyeliner, you don’t look like a slut. If you did, we would tell you. If you have to ask, you probably don’t look fat in that shirt. If you need a second-opinion on an outfit, then wear it or don’t. Don’t try it on seven times and keep asking.
3. Crying is okay (sometimes).
Crying is rarely okay when you’re drunk. Maybe you found out at the party that your grandmother just died. Excusable. But if you’re at a Halloween party and your ex-boyfriend texted you saying “Hey,” it isn’t an excuse for me or anyone else to have to console a slutty Snow White sobbing on the floor of a bathroom. I’m not out to discount anyone’s feelings, but alcohol is a powerful mood-exaggerator. If you’ve ever uttered the words, “I’m sorry, I’m probably just being a drunk bitch right now”, then you probably were. Once or twice is fine, but don’t be that friend.
4. Modesty goes a long way.
We all understand that you just got your nipple pierced or got a new ass tattoo. It’s probably lovely, but you may regret taking your top off in the middle of a frat house and letting people take pictures when you wake up the next day. Just saying. Modesty is considered by some to be an outdated standard for women to uphold, but the same goes for men, too. To my guy friends, I understand that you’re shit-faced, but it still doesn’t make flashing your testicles across the dining room of a pizzeria at 2 AM any more acceptable or any less terrifying to innocent by-standers. Please take into consideration your own sense of personal dignity before flashing your naughty parts to strangers.
5. Poise is everything.
One time at a frat party, I slipped down a flight of beer-soaked stairs in front of a house. Everyone standing outside quickly rushed to my aid to make sure I was okay. Within 15 minutes, my friend, a very attractive blonde girl, did the same thing. However, instead of the guys running over to help a damsel in distress, they proceeded to start chanting “Flagged! Flagged! Flagged!” over and over. Mistakes happen, but unless you wanna be that girl who hobbles home drunk because one of her heels snapped off while she was twerking against a door to the Cedric Gervais remix of Summertime Sadness, please take care of yourself.
6. You can make friends anywhere.
I can’t tell you the amount of conversations I’ve had with drunk girls while standing outside for a smoke break at a party. Fascinating stuff, I’m sure, though I’ve never been really able to recall any of it. I have a lot of numbers in my phone from people whose names I can’t remember, but I’ve also made a decent amount of friends at sorority parties by just talking to strangers while waiting in line for the bathroom, if I wasn’t drunk enough to not have any shame pissing on the neighbors’ hydrangeas.
7. Moderation is a must.
Please, please, please don’t be the friend who takes 12 shots during a pre-game and then drunkenly has to squat behind a dumpster to pee before even arriving at the party. It’s really unacceptable, to be frank. If you’re a mess before you even get to the party, you put the responsibility on your friends to watch over you the entire night to make sure nobody is trying to take advantage of you. You also put them at risk of getting into trouble with the police for having to carry your ass home to make sure you go to sleep on your side so you don’t choke on your own puke, which isn’t a good look. This goes double for any of you who have the type of friends who get too drunk to give a shit. College is a screwed-up place, figuratively and literally. Moderation is key here.