6 Reasons Justin And Selena Are The New Heidi And Spencer

1. They’re a low-budget, cheap version of Justin and Britney. I’ve seen way too many comparisons of Justin and Selena to the former Prince & Princess of (90s) Pop that was Justiney. J & S can only wish to be as epic (despite how Spearslake ended up crashing and burning). Heidi and Spencer, on the other hand, were a blip on the radar in the grand scheme of things and I’d wager most Americans choose to pretend they don’t exist anymore—which is hopefully how Bieber’s career will turn out.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJcQJ1_2o_4&w=584&h=390]

2. Their “love” got in the way of Selena’s BFF relationship with Taylor Swift, just like how LC dropped Heidi like a hot potato after she pledged her love to Spencer. We all know Taylor hates Justin after that amazing moment backstage of the Billboard Music Awards. Notice how swifty is always with Lorde these days? Lorde is the new Audrina Patridge. Let that sink in.

3. It’s just toxic. In the age-old words of Britney Spears, “You’re toxic I’m slipping under/With a taste of a poison paradise/I’m addicted to you/Don’t you know that you’re toxic”. Selena knows Justin is a toxic waste of space but she can’t help herself from going back to him, just like Heidi knew Spencer was a piece of shit but she couldn’t leave him and destroyed her life in the process. Selener, take note.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqHZPrRpQZ8&w=584&h=390]

4. Fame whores. Notice how every time the Biebs and Selena get back together he’ll post a picture on instagram, usually with a cryptic message professing his love? Reminds me of the good old days Heidi and Spencer would stage a photo op for the paparazzi. Gotta keep their names in the headlines.

[protected-iframe id=”365adbbe0db82d5356178fb6af5f128b-7369149-5398931″ info=”//instagram.com/p/lFfAQGgvja/embed/” width=”612″ height=”710″ frameborder=”0″ scrolling=”no”]

5. All I could think about was the Spencer Pratt-smartass vibes I was getting from Justin during his deposition. Did J.Biebs take cues from MTV’s former bad boy? We’ll never know, but maybe the downfall of Speidi spells out what Justin and Selena can expect.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emsLrZg160s&w=584&h=390]

6. Heidi’s “singing” career can be compared to Selena’s musical endeavors. Listen, I think Selena is an adorable girl but her poor choices lately have left me shaking my head. And I’m never going to pretend that Selena is a great singer or dancer. She’s just a product of the Disney machine and relies heavily on autotune—just like Heidi’s short-lived pop career. Anyone remember that time she ripped of Britney’s Toxic outfit at the Miss USA pageant and we all cringed? Yeah. Selena may have more help in that department but lets not kid ourselves here, Selena is no Britney.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOgA5D10Hvg]