You notice that you’re breathing heavily, rushing through cereal in the morning and walking fast on your way to work. No, there isn’t a meeting you’re late to. It takes a while to realize that there’s something else entirely that’s wrong.
Underneath that shield of strength which, you are convinced, is your haven, is a girl who wants to feel every bit as vulnerable as any other human. She seeks the warmth of the sun on her skin, the feeling of a raindrop sliding down her face and the touch of a hand that lovingly entwines into hers. But all she feels is her pulse quicken every time she thinks of him, which is throughout the entire day. Not in a you-give-me-butterflies sort of way. It is a rather sad state, when the reality dawns on you.
You find yourself hurrying through everything in an attempt to avoid his thoughts.
“Why can’t I just concentrate on my work? If I were important, I’d have heard from him by now. Get a grip on yourself already!” Your brain over analyzes every speck of detail from the last twenty conversations. And voila you have landed yourself into the longing loop.
Longing for things that will always be on the horizon- apparently within your reach but the more you work towards them, the farther they get. The subtle hints that he throws at you get you all confused, whereas those are meant to hit you right in your face and tell you to stop!
Stop thinking that if you were to spend more time with him, he’d want you. If only you could show him somehow what he means to you, he will want to be with you. Now that’s the illusion which renders you helpless. The loop grows and you’re stuck in the whirlpool.
Meanwhile, life is racing ahead. Either you run or you lose every moment that was destined to be yours. Amidst all the wondering, wanting and waiting, you lose the essence of your own being.
You aren’t meant to be kept waiting. You were born to explore, to discover yourself and this beautiful world around you. Men will come and they will go, but you will never find yourself if you stop looking for who you truly are. This is not to discourage you from falling in love.
Love is the most beautiful feeling in the whole world, and I long to fall fiercely in it; only with the man who believes in it as much as I do. And one who takes me for who I am.
You need to get up and dive into the beautiful world outside. It is complicated but there is beauty in it that you can see only when you want to see it. Why we bury ourselves in this all-consuming affair of hurt is a rhetorical question. How to move past this negativity, however, is not.
Go ahead, find your calling, and the sun will always shine on you.