20 Tips For Modern Women
By Mandy Zucker
1. Know that any guy you choose to mess around with, knowing he has a girlfriend, or even worse a wife, won’t hesitate to throw you under the bus if he gets caught up in his web of lies. You will not be hung out to dry and thrown on the backburner faster than you can say idioms.
2. No guy in the history of human life has been too busy to contact a girl he likes, whether it was by foot, horse, messenger, letter, phone call, text message—WHATEVER! It sucks to accept, but think about it: when you like a person, you know it’s not the least bit difficult to find time to reach out. Too busy = too uninterested, move on.
3. Invest in a high quality vibrator. Seriously, it’s worth it. Especially when you’re thinking about doing something that you’re fairly certain you’ll regret, and need to buzz, tremble, pulsate and shiver your way back to coherence.
4. Just like us, grown men don’t like to be told what to do. Even if it’s one of those scenarios where you’re 99% sure that you’re right, remember that there’s a big difference between suggestions and instructions.
5. It’s okay to let men be men in a traditional sense. I know it’s nice to be independent and capable of taking care of yourself, but being somewhat willing to let someone take care of you isn’t a horrible thing. Part of feeling entirely comfortable with yourself is knowing that, yes, my partner may do this or that for me, but if I need to I could stand on my own two feet just fine. You’re not weak and submissive for letting someone help you with the heavy lifting.
6. Pointing out other women’s flaws won’t ever, ever conceal yours. Also, it feels really shitty and we already have more than enough media and ignorance circulating the world, telling women how they should look as it is.
7. Even if he claims to be okay with you not giving blowjobs, be forewarned that it’s really unfair if he’s performing oral for you. Don’t expect to receive if you don’t give. Yes, in the rarest of rare cases he really may not mind, but there are countless videos that can give you visual guidance to work on your technique. Suck it up, and take one for the team.
8. Don’t confuse feminism with elitism. If you want to be equals, I, and any logical thinking man agree that that’s only right. Problem is, this breed of hateful women with this mindset of being superior to men is obnoxious and frankly, counterproductive. All you’re doing is spewing nonsense until it gives rational feminists a bad name. Instead of hating men, use that energy to empower women.
9. Playing hard to get is becoming a less effective method, especially if you pull that flirting with another guy or rambling on about your ex-boyfriend business. Those are two of the fastest ways to lose his interest.
10. For those ladies who aren’t “playing” hard to get, but in their natural state, aren’t easily courted, stick to your guns, just don’t resort to lame tactics. You are the only reason the vagina stock market hasn’t completely plummeted, as there are several out there willing to do what you won’t for much less work.
11. Stop embracing being called or calling yourself a bitch. I don’t care what Tina Fey said, bitches don’t get stuff done, determined women do. Bitches are mean spirited girls with high school hierarchy mindsets, who think they have “haters” but are actually just hated.
12. Red Lipstick is a weapon. Learn how to wield it and use the crimson flair to your advantage.
13. Know that leggings count as pants and that is the end of this discussion.
14. There are no rules or regulations that should be enforced about body hair, and a real man already knows this. If he’s scared of little bush, he has no business near your sacred bits anyway.
15. If you leave the gym with perfect makeup and not a single strand of hair out of place, you’re probably doing it very wrong. You can workout hard or you can look Photoshopped, there’s no way to do both.
16. If a dude who’s in a relationship tries to approach you over a social network, screen cap that junk and share it with the world–specifically his significant other as well if possible. Just like Eva Mendes’ character in Hitch says, “If he’s stupid enough to cheat, then the world should know he’s dumb enough to get caught.”
17. We’re not all perfect angels, so it’s probably unfair to throw around notions that all guys are the same, terrible beings and all women are spectacular, sweet, classy saints. There are some women who are crappy and in need of makeup on their insides, just as there are good and bad men. Remember that next time you feel like man bashing or woman glorifying.
18. Stop trying to be insulted by unworthy things. Grasping for straws and complaining that everything is so offensive, and this singer had a girl wearing short shorts in his video, so he promotes rape and the sky is falling, blah, blah, blah. Chill out. Sure, we shouldn’t let others dictate what we find offensive, but c’mon, there are real issues that need resolving and condemning women for modeling themselves in a music video shouldn’t take precedence over large groups (many of whom are vagina-less men) trying to control what we can and can’t do with our bodies.
19. That whole violence not being acceptable thing applies to us as well. Obviously the weight and strength difference are reasons why abusive men will always be widely considered the scum of the earth, but just because we don’t anticipate retaliation, we shouldn’t ever feel bold enough to throw blows at a man, because we know if he defends himself we’ll be able to play victim.
20. Just don’t be ugly. If you think that has anything to do with physical appearances, kill that impulse. Sometimes it’s much easier suggested than performed, but so many battles can be won and issues resolved by simply focusing on not being malicious.