I want to share some personal milestone moments – moments or days or events that have helped me since my world imploded eighteen months ago. They may help someone keep the faith.
You can get through stuff.
1. The day I was ready to give up and a friend bluntly and slightly scathingly told me she thought I was stronger than that. After all the tea and sympathy it was refreshingly brutal and yet helpful. I had to show her I am that strong.
2. The milestone moment when someone qualified to make the judgment told me that the person treating me so badly is a psychopath. And then thanks to her advice, reading any and every book, blog and article about psychopathy and coming to some sort of quasi understanding about the MO and how to limit the ongoing damage to myself.
3. The moment my brother told me I had made our little rented house into a home, on the very day my daughters and I moved in. After living in owned, spacious, detached houses for most of my life I knew that size really doesn’t matter as long as it’s home.
4. The day my first article got published on Thought Catalogue. Even if no one ever read it I had written it and it was out there. Writing is good – therapeutic – even if you never publish it’s worth a rant from time to time in a notebook or on your device.
5. The evening my friend took me out for dinner and I knew I didn’t even have to offer to share the bill because she knew what I was going through. It’s good to value the warmth of friendship.
6. The day I discovered Bach Rescue Remedies. Placebo? Who knows but I felt stronger after a few drops of that potion.
7. Every time my hairdresser didn’t charge me for sorting my roots out. It’s important to keep up appearances. I didn’t want to look as shit as I felt.
8. The day I had a meeting at work and a colleague thrust £600 cash into my hand and told me not to worry about paying it back.
9. The moment I paid it back.
10. When I changed my name back to my maiden name and so many old school and Uni friends ‘found’ me again via social media. A lucky few have had blissfully happy lives, most have had challenges, obstacles and tragedies. It’s comforting to know people can survive all sorts.
11. The day my youngest daughters started proactively choosing own brand yoghurt when we did the supermarket run, and checking the discounted shelves. So I felt that although the lesson had been hard, they were learning something of the value of money.
12. The moment my eldest daughter told me she had been offered a place at Harvard Law School! Oh how I bask in the glory of being her mummy. I think and hope I have helped her to have the roots to know who she is, and the wings to fly and have an amazing life.
13. When I read the quote ‘sometimes the best revenge is to just move on and get over it. Don’t give them the satisfaction of watching you suffer.’ Easier to say than do some days but after all, there are no prizes for self-pity, lots for bravery though.
14. The day I ran a sub two hour half marathon and knew he hadn’t taken that dream away too. He took so much – but no one can take your dreams.
15. The morning I made a snow angel on the top of Ben Nevis, the highest mountain in the UK, at 4.30am having climbed through the night with one of my best mates. And then we started planning our next adventure…