Start Choosing Yourself First (Because He Isn’t Going To)

Unsplash / Brooke Cagle

Connection is innate to us as human beings. We are created with empathy in our bones and curiosity in our eyes, and limited energy to expend every day.

As empaths, we are created to see the potential in others – to give them space to be who they are without judgement – with love.

Frankly, as we age, our minds and souls can get tired, and have to learn to actively choose what, or who, we want to spend our curious and loving energy on.

So, what happens when we stop spending that energy on particular people in our lives? What happens when relationships fail? What happens when we choose them, but with every passing day they choose us less?

This is when reality kicks in – when we realize that we are not in the passenger seat. We are the driver, and we are in control.

From a simple, non-spiritual perspective, this sucks, because we are only in control of ourselves. And as empaths, when they stop choosing us, we still give them the space to be. It’s in our nature.

But now, instead of that space within us being filled up again, the space is empty. Hollow. Heavy. But there is always light where there are cracks. What we fail to recognize within this process is that we can take back what we gave them – we can mirror it, and see the potential and love and curiosity in ourselves.

So, my darling, take back what you gave them. Cultivate this space. Nurture your own potential. Plant a garden and your favorite tree and watch them grow.

You can’t force someone to fill this space, nor can you make someone choose you. But the beauty here, my dear, is that you can reclaim the energy you were giving them.

Their potential was a product of your mind rooted in hope. Yours is real. You know it exists. You don’t hope, or wish. You know. Failed relationships are the hardest of lessons, but god, do you learn.

Review your time together. Once, twice, three times. Ask the questions. Answer them with love in your heart. Wish them well, let go, and let the space within you grow.

The moment you cultivate that space inside of you and have chosen yourself, you will meet someone worthy of your curious, loving energy again. Someone who every day when you ask yourself why you choose them, you will have a genuine whole-hearted answer for.

The shitty reality is that this may take time. You may be left cultivating that space for a while. Use that time to choose yourself.

You were the one in a few for them; you are the only one for you. Be there for yourself. Welcome yourself with infinite hugs and cuddles and warmth. Hold yourself close and always know that it is out of love and the best intention.

People are the point, but you can only show up for others when you are full of love for yourself. You have to choose you, first. Every single day. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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