I internalized the judgments I had made. I was in my early teens at this time, 12 or 13, so I was familiar enough with how different races and types of people were thought of. I didn’t grow up sheltered but I also had not spent much time talking to people who weren’t White, like me.
I hate crying in front of other people. I appreciate the weight lifted when I have a good cry, but it isn’t an activity I seek out.