I Had No Choice But To Walk Away From You

You left me no choice but to let you go. This was truly one of the hardest decisions by far that I have ever made. I fell in love with you, but you were not there to catch my fall. You left me floating in the air, wondering if we would finally be together. I never knew where I truly stood with you until the very end. I never saw the day that I would have to say goodbye to you.

Every time I gave my love out to you, my heart was denied like it didn’t matter. My feelings were completely brushed under the rug. My voice felt silenced. You made me feel that I would never be good enough for you. I kept my pain on the inside and never spoke a word of it to you. I knew it would be another joke to you if I ever spoke of it. I never thought it would be you that would cause me so much pain. I don’t regret meeting you or the moments we shared. Every moment spent with you made me see the magic in you. Every moment spent with you made me see all the beautiful things we could be. Every moment spent with you gave me hope that you could possibly give me a chance. Maybe you would see all of the things we could be too. Turns out the moments we shared together never meant anything to you.

I miss you so much even though you’re not good for me or my mental health. I invested so much time and love into you that I forgot to take care of myself in the process. You brought out the inner kid in me. You taught me how to love again even though my heart was shattered once before. I never thought it would be you who would hurt me of all people. I got lost in your eyes and thought you were a pure soul. I fell for your charm and that contagious laugh of yours. I was in awe of all the magic tricks you would show me. Every damn thing about you drew me in closer. I fell so deep for you that I knew it was too late to turn back. You had my heart fully.

All the time we spent together was everything to me. I never cared about what we did. I just loved spending time with you. You loved the attention I gave you. You thrived off of it just to boost your ego. You played the game well. Everything in the end was a complete joke to you. Turns out I was just someone to fill up the empty space that your ex-girlfriend left behind a year ago. You were one of my best friends. I felt that I could tell you anything and be completely open with you. I felt that we had a special bond. I was completely wrong about that. I was the giver and you were always the taker.

I had to come to the painful realization that you would never give me a chance, no matter how hard I tried. You still lead me on to believe that we could be together. I knew that we still had our friendship, but in the end I was wrong about that too. Over time you felt the need to be secretive with me about things. My heart hurt like hell because I thought you were better than that. I thought we had a better friendship than that. You ended up meeting one of my co-workers through our mutual friend group. You took an interest in someone new. I never expected things to painfully end this way. She knew how I felt about you, and still saw you as an opportunity. All you cared about was your selfish ways. You never once worried about how this would affect my heart.

Friendship is all about honesty. So many things came to the surface. I saw a side of you I never knew existed. Maybe I just never really knew you at all. You saw me as being jealous about the situation. The truth is that I was never jealous at all. I just wanted the same honesty and respect in return that I had given you. I will never forget the last Facetime call we had. This was truly one of the most painful things I had to endure. I could feel our friendship slowly falling apart. Everything was changing in an instant. The last time I saw you was the day before you went back home for the summer. I have never felt so disrespected by a man. Every word you said still burns in my mind. As we sat in your car, the conversation wasn’t going anywhere. You sat with a blank stare on your face as I poured my heart out to you for the last time. How you handled things told me everything I needed to know. I knew in my gut things were going to change.

Despite the pain you put me through, I still love you. I just knew in my heart that I couldn’t stay in our friendship after everything you put me through. Everything would continue to hurt me if I stayed. Last summer, I was the girl you were having late night Facetime calls with, giving me an adrenaline high. That girl is not me anymore. I never wanted to let you go. I couldn’t continue to let you play with my heart or my emotions anymore. I knew I deserved better. Letting you go was extremely painful. Somehow I found the strength within myself to finally walk away. I knew I had to choose myself. I still carry the pain around of letting you go. The love I have for you will always be a part of my heart. I still wish you the best from afar. I just could not give you the power to hurt me anymore.

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