1. Likes from a ghost. Homegirl is liking a lot of your pictures. And I mean a lot. She’s liking your TBT’s and your MCM’s. You still haven’t hit the follow button because you don’t remember how the two of you met and her account is set to open so you’re like: I can totally just view her pictures whenever I want. And your ego is sort of inflated because the hot girl liked YOUR picture.
2. Comment queen. She starts commenting really sweet things on your sexy selfies. Like, its not just sugar sweet, its that artificial Splenda kind of sweet. Which is a lot sweeter and more or less lethal. Oh yeah, and when you post a generically quirky image representing your #mood, she is always there to tell you how it made her “lol” and adds an “I miss you”.
3. Hashtag aficionado. This chick’s popularity is slowly increasing and when you go back and forth from viewing the same image, you notice the shift in her captions. A picture of her holding a three shot, Venti, non-fat, on-ice Starbucks drink with a Blue Jays hat, went from labeling everything seen in the image, to something about how much we should appreciate life.
4. Fan of the private/un-private feature. So you haven’t made your relationship official by following her back because you’re trying to play it cool, but you start thinking about how the two of you could really be best friends. How much fun it will be when you go for dinner and start hanging out with her friends. You start thinking about potentially bagging one of the hot dudes that are always featured in her pictures. Now you’re on her page, again, and notice her privacy settings have changed. Again. So you’re contemplating sending her a request but you don’t want it to seem like the only reason you sent a request was because she blocked all the unfollowers from witnessing her perfect life. So you wait.
5. Becoming a follower. You decide its time to follow back because real friends always follow each other. Your relationship is solidified now regardless of her privacy settings.
6. But are you real? Sometimes social media relationships are only intended to exist in the social media world. You see the girl who is basically the bridesmaid in your imaginary wedding and your stomach sort of drops. You debate saying hi to her but you want it to be organic so you continue to over think it. You notice her notice you so you smile a bit but she looks confused and doesn’t even say hello. What the hell, man? I thought we were friends?!
7. 1K hit with an AK47. You’re sitting on the toilet one morning scrolling through your newsfeed and see she posted a new selfie. You decide to creep her page and omg, she passed the 1K followers mark by about 300 and her followers to following ratio has dropped. Like a lot. Oh, and guess what, you didn’t make the cut. Your former, imaginary BFF is now mildly insta-famous and no longer following you. But you will always have the “lol, I miss you!”