Fuck Anxiety

Fuck anxiety. Fuck that part of my brain that makes me second guess every decision that I make. Fuck that part of me that keeps putting others ahead of myself.

There’s no reason that I should be sitting in my room, heart racing and sweating when all I need to do is place a phone call.

There’s no reason that telling the truth sends me into anxious shivers and brings tears to my eyes because I might be hurting someone.

There’s no reason that I shouldn’t be able to relish the things that make me happy because they might make someone else sad.

Fuck anxiety.

Fuck the fear.

Fuck the guilt.

I have worked too damn hard to face demons and break out of my comfort zone and find the true me, not the little girl who cries in a corner because nobody talked to her when she didn’t even step into the room. This is my new phase. These are my decisions. This is my life.

Anxiety is the monster under my bed grabbing at my ankles when I turn out the lights. It is the devil on my shoulder telling me to give in, to stop pushing. Anxiety is the procrastination that glues me to my computer screen but keeps whispering in my ear about all the work that’s due in three weeks. It is the thing holding me back from my goals. Anxiety is the asshole on the sidelines telling me that I’m not good enough.

Fuck anxiety.

Fuck the tears.

Fuck the helplessness.

I am powerful. I am strong. I can overcome anything.The decisions that have led me to where I am now are decisions that I stand by. They’re decisions I made when coherent, when rational, when there was nothing holding me back. They are the decisions that I fought to make. Looking back, I’m happy for every one of them. Not all of them were right, but all of them were right for me, because they got me to where I am now. Nothing is going to mess that up. Nothing is going to hold me back.

Not the expectations of friends, strangers, or those dear to me. There are things that I need to do, that I need to attain. My free life is only just beginning, and I’ll be damned if fucking Anxiety is going to stop me from enjoying every moment of it. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Mai Eliezer is an MA student at the Hebrew University writing out her feelings one existential crisis at a time.

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