I Don’t Want To Have To Compete With Anyone Or Anything For Your Attention

I don’t want to have to compete with anyone or anything for your attention.

Because I don’t want to. I know that I don’t have to. I know that I shouldn’t.

Because it doesn’t make sense.

Because it doesn’t seem right.

Because I don’t want you to come around just because I’m the one who’s here. Just because I’m the one who’s available. Just because it’s convenient.

I wish you could see me as more than just that.

I wish you would see me differently from the way you see other girls.

I wish there were little things that reminded you of me − like the smell of your coffee in the morning, a line from a book you read, a song you last listened to on the radio that is now stuck in your head, the way the sun and the cold breeze kiss your face, or the taste of your favorite ice cream flavor.

I wish you would miss me and think of me when I’m not around.

And not just because I’m telling you this right now

Because I don’t want to have to force things.

I don’t want to have to compete with anyone or anything for your attention.

Because I know that I also have to think of myself. I need to know my worth. I have to be reminded that I don’t need you to complete me and that I am whole on my own. I have to do this for myself and for my own sanity.

Because every time I feel like I’m on a solid, stable ground, you just find a way to ruin the moment as you let me slip back down.

And you don’t know how hard it is to feel that way.

And it feels so bad I wish I didn’t have to feel it.

I wish I could tell how you really feel. I wish I knew how you felt about me.

I wish I could figure everything out.

But even if everything was perspicuous, there’s one thing that I deem I can never discern…

I don’t know if I would ever find myself secured in your presence.