Welcome to the daily life of being a fat girl. Let me tell you the struggles that you have to put up with on a daily basis:
Hearing a friend say, “I’m so fat” when they’re three times smaller than you are, and having to say, “No you’re not” and stand there awkwardly.
Worrying about what people are laughing at when walking behind you. Is it me? Are they laughing at how tight my clothes are, My size? What is it?
Worrying about whether or not you can even fit through a tight space.
Being fat gives you more than just physical health problems like diabetes or heart disease. Being fat gives you so many mental problems as well.
Being fat gives you social anxiety. It’s honestly the worst thing when you walk into a room and you assume everyone’s staring at you because of your size. I hate meeting new people who I’m not already comfortable with, because I’m scared of what they’ll think when they see my weight. Going out in public or going to school as a bigger girl is nerve racking. You see clothes on a shelf or a thin girl wearing them and wish you could wear them, but you know you’d look like a blown up plastic bag in it. You see all these girls hanging out with their groups of friends, dressed adorably and having a blast, and then you look at your phone and see “0 new messages” because you’re too scared to put yourself out there.
Being fat is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. When you’re overweight people don’t see you. They see a shell of you. Unlike some insecurities such as acne, or a scar, you can’t cover this one up. You have to wear it out for the entire world to see. When people see you, they don’t see the bright shinning personality that lies within you. They see your body. Guys don’t even give you a second look, and if they do, their friends mock them for it – “Oh, so you’re into big girls” – or they assume the guy has a fetish. If you have an attractive thin boyfriend, people think he’s so nice for “giving you a chance.” Everyone expects you to have a guy who’s just as big as you, if not bigger.
Being fat is like wearing a punching bag. You take hits all day and are expected to just be okay with it, especially from people you would expect it the least from. The one who hits me the most is my own family.
You hear things. Things like:
You’ve got such a beautiful face.
You’d be so much prettier if you lost weight.
You’re really pretty; think of how much prettier you’ll be when you lose weight.
Even when people are attempting to “build” your confidence, they’re tearing you down at the same time. It’s almost impossible to ever feel truly beautiful. You dress your best, do the greatest makeup look you could imagine, and then you take one last good look in the mirror and think of the way the outfit hugs onto your rolls, or how your double chin is showing too much. No amount of makeup or clothing can hide your biggest flaw and it’s terrifying.
Being fat has destroyed my confidence, trust, social life, regular life, and mind.
Going to the doctor is one of your biggest fears. Stepping on that scale or hearing “diabetes” is your worst nightmare. People ask “Why don’t you just lose the weight?” It’s not that simple. Once you’re fat it’s like being locked into a cage. Only some get let out. Going to the gym, you get stared at, you get made fun of. When I was in middle school, I was really sick and had to sit out of gym, and some kid behind me said, “She’s sitting out because she’s fat.” If somehow the world could see the amount of bruises I’ve received from being hit with insults about my weight, maybe people would rethink how they treat overweight people.
You try every single diet on the web, low calories, working out, you try all the fancy diets, and eventually you even resort to starving. But unfortunately you need food to live.
I can tell you that no matter how many people say “looks don’t matter,” they matter. When I was fifteen and overweight, trying to get a summer job babysitting so I could stay out of the house and actually do things, I interviewed with multiple families, who all said “we’ll give you a call back.” None of them ever did, and my mom said “It’s because you’re fat; they don’t think you have discipline.” She’s wrong, I thought, but she was right. I actually heard it from a family as soon as I stepped away: “She’s overweight. If she can’t take care of herself, I don’t think she’ll do a good job of taking care of our kids.”
People think that because you’re overweight it means that you don’t have an eating disorder. But let me tell you, that’s far from the truth. When you’re overweight you get so desperate to lose it that you actually think of starving yourself, or throwing your food up. Even my own mother told me that if she had to starve me to make me lose weight she’d do it. Looking on Tumblr, or Instagram, seeing all these girls with all their fit or skinny bodies is torture – wishing and praying all you could do is wake up skinny. I can tell you that being overweight has honestly taken joy out of life for me, it makes me afraid to want to try new things, afraid that I’ll be judged or I won’t fit or I’ll be laughed at. It makes me scared to meet new people, scared to dress the way I want, scared to be outgoing, scared to do sports. It makes life a living hell. Your only friends become the ones in your head: depression, anorexia, bulimia, and anxiety, They sit there all day long to tell you things that destroy who you are.
I can’t tell you how many times I hear “being confident is the best thing from a woman.” But how can you be confident when the people who are telling you that are also the ones telling you to lose weight? How can you be happy when you you’re broken inside? The shell you wear every day becomes who you are. You don’t get seen as you anymore. You get refereed to as “the fat one” or “the fat girl.” Or people add, “Yeah she’s nice, but she’s fat too.” You aren’t you anymore, all of you is stripped away from you from the people that are supposed to support you.
And still, despite your sadness, you constantly hear things like, “I thought fat people were jolly.”
I can tell you that I’m pretty much the most unjolly person you will ever meet. Only on the inside though. I’m nice as I possibly can be, because what else am I supposed to rely on for people to give me a chance – my looks? All the comments, all the looks, all the laughs build up and it all rips you apart.
Fat isn’t just an insult, or a word, or a joke. Being fat doesn’t just destroy you on the outside, it destroys you in the inside too.