I’m A Sexual Assault Survivor And This Is What It Feels Like To See A Newsfeed Full Of Hollywood Rape Accusations

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Another day passes and additional articles are released where a new well-known Hollywood figure is accused of sexual assault. My entire newsfeed is overwhelmed with men and women fearlessly banning together to share their stories of trauma. My head is filled with so many emotions that my brain feels as heavy as the world on Atlas’s back.

There is a part of me that cheers for the victims. It took a lot of valor to confront their perpetrators. They knew that they could be judged or questioned by the public. Others might even accuse them of lying. I sympathize with them because only 18% of prosecuted rapes get convictions in court. Unfortunately, the feeling of hopeful camaraderie fades and a new, darker emotion settles deep within.

Part of me is enraged and I envy the justice seekers. My assailant is not famous. If I told my story on Facebook, millions of people wouldn’t cry out for me in support. Media outlets wouldn’t write stories about the awful man boy he is. The only thing people will remember him for is overdosing during high school and how an ambulance rushed to save him. Or maybe they’ll remember him for his stints in and out of rehab. Most people probably pity him. Poor lost boy, he never got the help he needed and now he has no hope for his future.

I never got a chance to confront him. It has been a few years since the incident and statistically speaking if I went to the police, nothing would happen. Part of my integrity was stripped away that evening. A special experience I could have shared with someone else is now lost.

As I somberly scroll through my sexual assault report scattered newsfeed I begin to feel the awful flashbacks of what happened to me. I internally praise those who were brave enough to come out and share their story. I quietly detest the predators. I try not to cry as I wish it were me bringing to light the monster who hurt me.

Congratulations to those who aim to receive justice — I wish I were one of you. To everyone else, please be patient with the victims who feel especially raw as their worlds are filled with new stories similar to theirs. This has unwillingly become our burden to bear. TC mark

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