I know right now you might be in a very uncomfortable situation and at times you find yourself asking if this is really what you wanted, if you should move on or wait, if there is even something worth waiting for. My friend, I’m writing this not as a claim that I’m a master on the art of relationships, but I’ve been through enough to master the art of falling apart and I wouldn’t want you to experience the same.
These things are those you may want to consider, given the fact that you’re already in some sort of limbo relationship, where real and fantasy almost meets, almost chases each other.
1. Know your worth
As cliché as it may sound, and I guess it’s easier said than done, once we start to like someone, we forget how we are supposed to be liked too. We know for a fact how capable we are of doing all the crazy things for a person, so deeply crazy, that we often forget we are worth that craziness too. You are worth of all things beautiful, and if someone is incapable of making you feel that way, you should know that you don’t deserve it. This is the baseline in all relationships; couple or friends, flirting or dating, labels or no labels. This is in fact the baseline of being human, that you should know, more than anything else that you are worth it. Sometimes people may have a hard time figuring this out, or sometimes we even forget. My advice is, do a self-check of the things you think you should be getting in a relationship, start with the basics. If you find it hard to do so, seek help of a friend.
2. Observe the way you’re treated
Even in this beautiful mess of being in between how couples are and how friends are, of having no labels; you should still be treated nicely. Observe and try to look at the little things, do you feel that you’re at the very least important, or does this look like a one-sided thing? Do you feel happy when with the other person, or do you feel stressed? Do you feel like you’re only wasting your time? There are a lot of red flags that you can point out, all boiling down to knowing what you like, and what you don’t and not conforming to what’s around. The right person will treat you how you’re supposed to be treated regardless of having a label or not
3. Time, resource and effort
Now these three are the crucial elements I look at when dating. Does the other person spend time with you? Does he/she makes use of his own resource to be with you? Is this person willing to spend money just to have a nice dinner with you? Does he/she show small efforts for you? If you answered yes to all the questions I asked, I would say you proceed reading the next steps. If you have answered, maybe or no, please re-read the first two steps, and ask yourself if you’d be willing to stay with your person.
When you’re already sure that you know what you want, you observed how things are and actually liked it, you see that the other person spends time, money and effort for you, the next thing would be to ask. Whether we like it or not, or humanity urges us to move from the limbo to the actual dream, or to waking up, in relationship, what I meant is that, you of course won’t be satisfied with having no label after a certain period of time, you would want something more, the thing is, we are never sure if that’s what the other person wants too. You definitely can’t stay like this forever, so the key is to ask. Ask and be prepared for the answer.
5. Decide to stay or walk away
I know by the end of this article you are expecting me to give the answer if you should stay or walk away, and I know at the back of your mind you already know. Even if I give you a hundred reasons or facts that proves you should leave, I know that it’s still up to you to make this decision. Whatever it is I hope you find happiness with it. I have seen some who were brave enough to stay even if they were not treated the way they’re supposed to be, or those who were brave enough to look for a new person. Nevertheless, staying or leaving doesn’t guarantee anything, in the end, a relationship is meant to be worked on by two people.
I am never going to be able to determine the best answer whether to go or stay in a thing without a label, some people are satisfied with the limbo and move from one to another, only with a sufficed distance with each person and eventually walking away once needed, some wants the dream and continues to hope that this label-less thing would actually be something in the future, and some would wake up from it and continue living. There are a thousand ways to determine the future of a relationship and countless reasons to stay or leave, in the end, it will be up to you still. My last advice would be to go with the decision you won’t regret.