At first, you would wake up thinking you have accepted the loss
And then one day you realise you can’t even get out of bed because the pain and reality finally paralyzes you; he is no longer there and he will never be again.
At that moment, the recovery process starts and it all begins with you destroying yourself, breaking every last ounce of your character and tearing apart your vital organs with whatever vices you find.
At ground zero, you start the rebuilding process.
Everyone comes along and tells you “it’s okay, take your time”
But deep inside you know it is not.
One extra day taken is causing your mental and physical self to break apart further. Then you read articles on finding yourself, loving yourself and acceptance. But you know all these already don’t you?
Putting everything into action is so hard and no one warned you about how tough it would be!
You get angry;
Angry at yourself
Angry at everyone else around you
Angry why he had to leave you without saying a word, leaving you alone to face all these.
Then there comes the day you learn the key to moving forward, to forgive yourself, leave the baggage behind and just walk on.
Some days guilt will overwhelm you and you will maybe take a few steps back
Other days you feel like you have so much zeal and might to run forward and start life anew
This one step forward two steps back process will go on for a while… maybe even a Long while
But you know one thing for sure, at least you are trying. Stop being so hard on yourself. It’s ok to feel the way you do, just know this; YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I AM WITH YOU IN THIS.