So, Tinder is just a pile of garbage, right? We can all agree on that? Let me just put it out there that I technically never DID Tinder, properly. I mean, I made an account, I swiped (mostly left) for about two days and then I deleted my account because I have zero patience for literally anything. But I spent enough time reading horror stories about Tinder on Reddit and talking to my girl and guy friends that HAVE used it to know that Tinder is basically a shit carousel of basic-ness. However, nobody seems to be embarrassed that they are in fact participating in the aforementioned shit carousel? On the other hand, people would sooner die than ever admit to using OKCupid, Match.com, How about We, eHarmony, or one of the many other “serious” dating sites that predate Tinder’s existence.
One of my girlfriends told me a story of how she was in a meeting in work that ran too long, so she jokingly ran out saying, “Sorry guys, I gotta tind!”
I was once driving through downtown LA on a weird scavenger hunt to find a party when my dude friend started casually browsing profiles on Tinder while I was talking to him.
My coworkers trade Tinder stories in the break room like we’re asking someone to refill the coffee pot.
But ask someone how their Match.com hunt is going and it’s like you’ve asked them to remember the shoe size of the first person they’ve ever loved. They immediately seize up into a state of guilt, shame, and PTSD.
Tinder is mostly just a lot of dudes saying “sup” and talking about their dick girth and girls complaining about how they deserve so much better than Tinder and y’all aren’t embarrassed about that? Over on Match.com, people are stating their religious preference and whether or not they want kids and somehow that’s the site that people are ashamed to admit they belong to? What the hell is wrong here?
People — well, mostly millennials — are so afraid to let anyone know that we crave anything deeper than the ephemeral. Why is it so wrong to casually mention to your coworkers that you’ve been talking to a really nice guy you met on Coffee Meets Bagel and you might meet up with him at LACMA later this week? That’s a very nice and normal thing to do and want so why is THAT the creepy-forever-alone thing to admit?
Why is it cooler/better/easier to be like, “I’m talking to a dude on Tinder that requested nude pics ON THE FIRST TEXT. Oh my god, what a creep, right?” Why is the latter the thing that’s more socially acceptable? How is being normal and well-adjusted and going on dates an embarrassing thing, and being a social and sexual deviant is the normal thing? And sure, maybe we all swap Tinder stories because they’re “funny” or “tragically hilarious” or whatever, but you all still have accounts. Clearly you’re not doing it for the “story” because you all know you ran into your fair share of weirdos on the first 24 hours of being on the app. There’s still some reason you still keep swiping. But what is it!? No seriously, can someone explain to me why you stay on Tinder while simultaneously complaining about how lame it is?
Meanwhile, you maybe secretly think about getting an eHarmony account because whatever, your cousin met her husband there, and despite caving in and making an account, you quietly filter all your eHarmony emails out of your inbox and into a separate secret filter on Gmail, because just in case someone looks over your shoulder at work, heaven forbade they see ALL THOSE EHARMONY EMAILS IN YOUR INBOX. But if they actually see your profile on Tinder? Swipe away, you say.
Why is it embarrassing and scary to tell people that you’re on a “serious” dating site because you crave commitment and love and a real lasting partnership? And why is it totally cool and okay to tell people that you’re on Tinder even though all you do is complain that nobody messages you back and your iCloud is filling up with unwanted dick picks? Sorry, but you should probably feel bad about the dick pics. You should not feel bad for being on Match.com. I’m not trying to slut-shame you for being on Tinder, I’m trying to logic-shame you. You’re being dumb if you use Tinder and then complain about it. If you consider yourself a well-adjusted adult and only whack-ass weirdos are messaging you and then you complain about how lame everyone on Tinder is, then maybe you should stop going on Tinder? It just seems like logic to me.
Most people I know who are unapologetically on Tinder have NEVER used another dating site (or so they say). However, most of those people using Tinder have never actually met up with someone from Tinder in real life. What I’m trying to say is, there aren’t THAT many people that are like, “Hey I’m super horny, who’s on Tinder and lives near me?” Isn’t that the ENTIRE point of Tinder? Everyone’s just complaining and talking about how Tinder is just a garbage pail of humanity and yet it’s so chill and fun to be a part of the “victims of Tinder” community.
You shouldn’t feel bad about making a OKCupid profile or wanting to go on actual dates with actual relationship-minded people. You should never have to awkwardly hide the fact that you’re meeting up with someone from Match.com but then boast about the dude from Tinder who’s coming to meet up with you sometime around 1am.
What I’m trying to say is, stop letting Tinder stupid-shame you into being afraid to be real about your desire for something greater than some sexting and a dick pic.
You should probably feel a certain amount of life-affirming shame that dudes only want to expend about five text messages on you and ask you to “sit on it” before they move onto some other girl. You should not be ashamed that you want to go on real dates and find a real relationship and connect with another human being on a real level.
Make a profile on any damn online dating account you want to and tell everyone about it. Stop being embarrassed and stop making Tinder seem cool.