Loving you feels like learning a foreign language. At first it doesn’t make any sense to me and I don’t understand what I keep doing wrong. But the point of learning a language is that the more time you spend with it, the better you get. Love is like being fluent in you.
Spray cologne on our Ds. I don’t know if all guys are doing this, but enough of them are that I have encountered one too many D’s with cologne on it. What am I supposed to say? “Is that Burberry Touch I smell down there? What a delicate flourish!”
My friends tell me that all I need to do is bring a flask of alcohol or pop a Xanax and I’ll be good to go. So if anybody has any extra pills, you know how to reach me!
Undergrad is really just one big weekend stretched out over 4 to 6 years, depending on how many tests you make it to between the tequila shots.
Should there be race or gender based preferences in hiring and college admissions? What difference does diversity make?
Take breaks/vacations/call in sick. We all have to work so we can have enough money to go to town at the Alexander Wang sample sale, but maybe you should stay home today, sleep in a little late and watch The View.
“Have you ever thought about being in porn?,” he asked me. I sort of laughed in his face because no I haven’t, but he was absolutely serious. He said I had a face and body for porn, which is not something the Career Center at your college will tell you, unless maybe you go to some weird liberal arts place, like Vassar.
Since I’m not Facebook friends with your new “boyfriend” I can’t see his profile, but I can see that he went to Vassar, so now I already know what to think. He’s tagged in all of your recent photos, and as soon as I see him I’m thinking, “You picked him over me? Who names their son “Keviin” — it’s not even spelled right.
Milk products that come from basically anyplace but cows. That’s pretty bougie. I’m talking rice milk, soy milk, almond milk, sheep’s milk, goat’s milk. Why isn’t regular milk good enough for people anymore!
“I had to answer that 2 a.m. phone call in a low, whispered voice because my friend needed some help with a math problem, and I didn’t want to wake you. Why are you trippin’?”