Latest Posts

What It Feels Like To Love You

Loving you feels like learning a foreign language. At first it doesn’t make any sense to me and I don’t understand what I keep doing wrong. But the point of learning a language is that the more time you spend with it, the better you get. Love is like being fluent in you.

A Checklist For Getting Laid

Spray cologne on our Ds. I don’t know if all guys are doing this, but enough of them are that I have encountered one too many D’s with cologne on it. What am I supposed to say? “Is that Burberry Touch I smell down there? What a delicate flourish!”

Make Your Life Better In 30 Easy Steps

Take breaks/vacations/call in sick. We all have to work so we can have enough money to go to town at the Alexander Wang sample sale, but maybe you should stay home today, sleep in a little late and watch The View.

About That Time I Got Asked To Be In A Gay Porn

“Have you ever thought about being in porn?,” he asked me. I sort of laughed in his face because no I haven’t, but he was absolutely serious. He said I had a face and body for porn, which is not something the Career Center at your college will tell you, unless maybe you go to some weird liberal arts place, like Vassar.

32 Things Bougie People Like

Milk products that come from basically anyplace but cows. That’s pretty bougie. I’m talking rice milk, soy milk, almond milk, sheep’s milk, goat’s milk. Why isn’t regular milk good enough for people anymore!

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