My humble observation about living in the South, and I know somebody is going to try to correct me, is that people seem so afraid of sticking out that everybody blends in not because they want to, but because they have to — the hot breath of society makes people conform.
30. Carry a bag from a designer store as your everyday tote. I know your lunch is not from Yves Saint Laurent because those people don’t eat, so I don’t know why you just pulled a salad up out of that bitch.
3. There are a number of photos of you on the Internet doing “sexy” poses in skimpy outfits that are perhaps two to three sizes too small. In the photos you pose on top cars, in kitchens, bathrooms, door frames, etc.
There you are, suspended in front of a room of people who are mostly gathered to hear what you have to say, and you have to keep them entertained for up to an hour and a half. You’re fighting people who haven’t read and you’re up against Facebook and Instagram and Grindr and Twitter and Pinterest and doodling and daydreaming. What do you do to keep the rhythm going?
9. Remember all those friends you had before you dropped off the face of the earth and got into a serious relationship? They might still be there!
You never “clock out” when you’re in grad school. I mean, yeah, you have to go to seminars and everything, but in general you pick your own seminars which is kind of like picking your own hours. There’s no time sheet, and you don’t have any jealous co-workers monitoring where you are. That sort of freedom is priceless.
The songs we made up in our heads in our bedrooms and recorded for months in isolation, everybody is now singing them back at us. People are shouting and dancing. The lights are really bright and colorful and I feel like I’m going to catch fire.
Don’t wait for the Friday cocktail hour to start — open up that top drawer, bust out that emergency flask and start drinking NOW.
Don’t worry, Don Draper is not on this list.
“I’m thowin’ on my Louboutins.” Jennifer Lopez, “Louboutins.”