Dear Madison: I’m A Total Bottom But Now My Boyfriend Wants Me To Top Him

Will Boyce
Will Boyce

Dear Madison:

I reaaaaally like bottoming, I can even come without touching myself! But that means I’ve never topped anybody before and frankly I kind of don’t want to if I’m being honest. Been seeing this guy for about 8 months now, 10 years in the gay world, and he told me recently that he wants me to fuck him from time to time. OH GOD. The thing is, I knew when we started dating that he was verse, “more top,” but now that he wants me to top him I don’t know what to do. Like LITERALLY I don’t know what to do since I’ve never done it before. Help!

Yours,

Career Bottom

Dear Career Bottom:

Hi Career Bottom! It sounds like your boyfriend wants to get pounded from time to time, and if you’re the expert, cock devouring bottom you say you are, I’m sure you can understand why! The thing is, your boyfriend deserves the fuck he wants, so if you’re not into fucking ass then you’ll probably be a reluctant top, and don’t nobody want no reluctant top! Praise be! So I’d suggest starting off slow and small. Get a toy of some sort, a dildo maybe, so you can give your boyfriend that full feeling he’s craving. Or if you can stand doing the fucking yourself, have him sit on top of you. That way he’s doing all the work and you don’t have to worry as much about being a bad top.

All tops should bottom sometime, and all bottoms should top sometime, too. It’ll make you better at sex!

My concern, you handsfree coming Career Bottom, is that you maybe think your man will be less masculine because he wants to be topped now and again. Maybe you like “total tops” because they offer you some fantasy of masculinity — you know, that whole thing when straight people ask you which of you is the “woman” in the relationship. What they’re actually asking is which of you is getting pounded every night.

Anal sex isn’t about who is more or less masculine. It’s about who wants a D inside of them.

Gay people exist on a spectrum of anal loving, for those who even have anal sex, which is not everyone. There are some gays who just freaking love ass and are total, 100% tops — and bless them. And there are other guys who are total, 100% bottoms who love being entered by cocks. Bless them, too! You have your verse guys, who like it either way, and your verse tops and verse bottoms, who like it either way but have a preference depending on the person and the situation.

The point is, Career Bottom, is that if you don’t fuck your man in his ass, at least every once in a while like he’s asking, I promise you someone else will. TC mark

Send your sex questions to madison@thoughtcatalog.com :)

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