14 Things All Chronically Late People Know To Be True

1. You’ve perfected the art of lying about why you’re running late but only because you think a dramatic excuse will lessen the late-shaming. Cut to you running into the bar soaking wet, one sock off, crying and apologizing about being an hour late.

2. You dread the guilt-trip/tension of showing up late, so you say something funny to break the ice.

3. Everyone knows that “I’ll be there in 10” means nothing and is actually code for lol I just woke up and it will take me 45 minutes to get there, not to mention the hour I need to get out of bed and become a person.

4. No matter how large the buffer between right now and the time you have to be there you will still be late. Kanye shrug!

5. Chronically late drama queens don’t TRY to be late out of disrespect. They love you! It’s just that they just always think they have time to do that one last thing…

6. Without fail a real disaster happens that makes the chronically late drama queen even later than they would have been. Great, you were originally only going to be like 5 minutes late (reasonable) but now you’ll be at least twenty five minutes behind because the damn subway sat in the tunnel for 10 whole minutes, your bus never came, or just before you were about to leave the house you get explosive diarrhea and just ugh. Everything’s the worst.

7. People get annoyed and think you’re being rude or self-centered when really you’re just slow and have exceptionally poor time management skills!

8. Your friends get you gifts like watches and date books for your birthday. SHAAAAAADE.

9. The horror of already being late and then your phone dies so now you can’t even communicate or give live updates. Your phone dying is not the reason you’re late, buddy. But still. It’s the text that counts.

10. For the chronically late drama queen there’s no better pleasure on earth than having someone “push back” a meeting (YESSS!!) or when they tell you they’re going to be late, too.

11. Welp, if you’re already late you might as well stop and grab a coffee, take your time getting there.

12. Arriving on time is one of your greatest pleasures, right next to having a meeting you’re already late to pushed back or cancelled.

13. Air travel is terrible because you definitely can’t be late to your flight…though you’ve made many flights by the skin of your teeth.

14. You freak out when you have a dinner party and people show up five minutes before you told them to arrive. Who shows up early to a dinner party? Girl you’re only just now going to the store to pick up groceries…