1. You get nervous going to a non-chain restaurant where you don’t already have the menu memorized.
2. Going on a nice, luxurious trip to a fabulous location with a group of friends and being outvoted when everyone choses a restaurant that has not one thing you can eat. You don’t want to bother people with your ways SO YOU SUFFER IN SILENCE.
3. Not being able to inspect the menu before going to a new restaurant so you can take your time pre-deciding what you will eat before you get there. Can you guys just make chicken fingers? lol.
4. The horror of finding the one thing on the menu you will eat and being told that they are out of it THE SKY IS FALLING.
5. The difficulty of being that person who hates the thing everyone likes, like anchovies or mayonnaise — both disgusting! — which makes ordering shared dishes like pizzas very complex. Look on the bright side, though: you always end up getting your own pizza to yourself.
6. The nightmare of going to a foreign country and not understanding a single word on the menu because it is in a language you don’t read.
7. The burden of asking the waiter to explain everything on the menu.
8. Knowing all your friends probably think you have an eating disorder because when you go to a restaurant they only ever see you eating like bread dipped in salt and olive oil.
9. There’s no comfort like the comfort of ordering the thing you always order because everything else on the menu is disgusting.
10. The horror of going to a conference or symposium where the only food available is cold sandwiches!!!
11. A perfectly rational fear of free food at big events because it has been picked over/sitting out for hours!!!!
12. A buffet is your worst nightmare.
13. Telling the waiter that you don’t want any eggs or mayo or whatever in your dish and then sending the whole dish back when it comes out with eggs or mayo in it. You’re not allergic — no no no. You just don’t like it.
14. Stuffing yourself before going to big events where you know free food will be served so you can tell people “I just ate” when they ask why you’re not eating.
15. Practically starving yourself until after a dinner meeting so you can go stuff yourself with what you want.
16. The safety net in going to a potluck and only eating the food you brought.
17. Going to meet your boy/girlfriend’s family for the first time and realizing your partner did not tell their parents you don’t eat peas so now there are like 2 million fucking peas on your plate omg and u will make a bad first impression if u don’t eat them!!!
18. As long as there’s chicken, you’re fine.
19. Being the first person to propose a restaurant when you go on a date, and it’s a restaurant you probably eat in like everyday.