1. Anyone who texts on a first date. Seriously, there’s like 28 minutes left. Whatever you’re doing is so important that you have to text people right now? Can you at least excuse yourself to the bathroom first?
2. People who have extremely complicated food orders.
3. The person who shoves you out of the way on the dance floor. I know, I know. Dance floors get pretty packed, and sometimes you need to get through. But I’m talking about shovers who push you out of the way like your body means nothing to them. It’s their world and you’re just in it!
4. Any guy who has ever talked his way into unprotected anal/vaginal sex by pleading, “Just let me put the head in.”
5. Boyfriends/girlfriends or anyone you go on a date with who mocks your career choices. It’s one thing to be curious and to ask questions, and it’s a whole other to judge them for what they do.
6. Every co-worker everywhere who uses the communal office microwave to warm up SUPER PUNGENT foods.
7. Any guy who has ever told a girl “I won’t go down on you” because going down on a girl is more intimate than a blowjob. All the while, of course, expecting you to go down on him. Byeeee.
8. People who don’t tip good service at restaurants.
9. People who ride your ass on the highway in deep traffic causing you to scream “Where are you GOING!” in your car at them. You move out of the way and they zoom past you for a full 3 seconds before they get stuck behind a bunch of cars. Serves them right.
10. Every single college student who uses their laptop in a small seminar class to the extent that it’s clear to the professor you’re either on Facebook or Gchatting and in any case you’re paying zero attention.
11. Guys who use WAY too much body spray. Don’t they say you’re only supposed to spray a cloud and walk into it? If people can smell you way out on the sidewalk before you even get to the room, it’s prob time to reevaluate your spraying technique.
12. Everyone who has ever asked a mixed-race person, “What are you?”
13. Anyone who has ever said, “I’m not racist/sexist/homophobic/etc because my mom/dog/bff/boyfriend is ___________.”
14. Roommates who eat your food and when you confront them about it they are all, “lol oh sorry.”
15. Roommates who leave a pile of dirty dishes in the kitchen, wash the only dishes they need, then put them back in the already filled-up sink.
16. Everyone hot who starts a conversation with you on Tinder but then for some reason they just stop responding to your messages.
17. The person who talks through all the good parts of your favorite television show or movie.
18. The person who snatches the last one of the thing you were JUST to buy. Then they look at you and are all KANYESHRUG.
19. And finally, people who save entire rows of seats at the movie theater or who take up whole tables at coffee shops because they are “waiting on people.”