10 Things I Learned Last Night On HBO’s ‘Looking’

1. That Gay Dudes Really Freaking LOVE Beards!

SERIOUSLY. What is going on? I can barely go 3 days without shaving before I am scratching my entire face off, so I don’t know who sent out the memo that gay dudes need beards and gratuitous facial hair but, well, here we are! Looking follows the three main characters: Patrick, an adult twink, Dom, whose mustache is kind of bonkers, and Augstin whose beard is Level: I can’t. I know a lot of gay dudes find beards sexy, like having a beard is a thing. So if it’s authenticity the show is going for, then these gays totally fit in the context of San Francisco, especially Augustin, whose blend of bearded S&M leather punk is pretty on point.

2. That We All Use Instagram Filters To Instantly Make Ourselves Hotter.

There’s a scene where Patrick is looking at some dude’s OkCupid profile and he can’t tell if the guy is hot or not, which is definitely a reality of 2014. You know how you go through the profiles of potential suitors and their photos are all sexy and hot and you can’t tell if this person is attractive or if it’s the “Toaster” filter that’s making him especially delicious? #GayDudeProblems.

3. That Separate Checks Means A Date Gone Wrong.

Patrick goes on a date with some dumb doctor and its totes awkward and everything goes down hill when it’s clear that they are not a match. So the doctor is all, “Yeah, no bro.” The date is so bad that instead of paying for their drinks the doctor goes, “Well, you had this and I had that.” Separate checks on a date? BAD SIGN.

4. That It’s Going To Be Hard For All Of Us To Attract Younger Gays As We Get Older.

Dom, the show’s sort of daddy type, complains he’s having a hard time meeting younger guys because they don’t want him because he’s 40. This was probably the realest moment on the show, because no matter your ethnic background, your personal preferences or the types of guys you like, we are all going to get old and our hair is going to fall out and we are going to grey, and we all have to deal with the fact that youth and attractiveness WILL FADE. So, enjoy it while it lasts!

5. That Some Gay Dudes Do Try For Guys Who Are “Not Their Type.”

Patrick, who seems to be looking for something the whole first episode, meets a scruffy latino club kid on the bus who is definitely trying to get it in, whereas Patrick is all, “Uh, hello! I only like white guys!” LOL jk that’s not what he says, but you can tell that’s the sentiment. Their worlds are so different, their speech patters worlds apart. They flirt and what not, but Patrick doesn’t take it any further. When he gets home he talks about this new latino guy to Augustin and he says, “He’s really not my type,” to which Augustin throws him the shade of the century: “Why, because he doesn’t have a Stanford degree.” The good news is that later on, Patrick meets up with the latino, gives him a chance, and I guess we’ll see what happens next week. From what I’ve read online, I hear Patrick bolts because dude has an uncut dick.

6. That All Gay Men Have IPA and Pot-Induced Three-ways!

Yeah so…the three-way with the hot as shit, tall-ass hipster dude with the tattoo on his stomach and the scruff was just everything, will be watching on repeat.

7. That Not All Gay Men Want Non-Monogamy.

Sure, a lot of gay men are in open relationships and practice non-monogamy, but there are some for whom sex outside of a relationship is a complicated issue, even with consent. Augustin’s boyfriend (hot) and he are having a three-way with the tall hipster artist, and even as Augustin looks over to capture Frank’s consent, you can tell that he’s not really ok with sharing his man. I can’t wait to see how this story develops/I also can’t wait to re-watch this scene and insert myself into this hotness!

8. That Gay Dudes Are Still Having Sex In Parks!

One of my favorite novels is by this French guy Renaud Camus and it’s called Tricks, a collection of stories about the sexual partners the author has had, most of the sex occurring in parks. Welp, that’s how Looking begins: In medias sex, a hook-up between Patrick and some guy who is just a little too eager to get Patrick’s cock out. It stops when Patrick gets a phone call and he worries its his mother calling, scolding him about becoming “one of those gay guys who has sex in a park.”

9. That Every Single Gay Man Is Extremely Attractive!

I’m not one to complain about people being too beautiful.

10. That, Honestly, I’m More Excited About Scandal.

Looking bills itself as a no-fuss gay show that’s not about struggling with sexuality, or coming out of the closet, or sassy snapping divas, or shopping till everyone drops. It’s not about weaves or catch phrases. It’s about normal bros, drinking beers, living life, having sex. That’s fine! No show can be everything to everyone. But there’s something to be said about a show that makes you want to keep coming back to it religiously. I will definitely watch Looking because it’s a thing and because it’s well done, but for me it’s the kind of show I’ll be fine missing a couple episodes of and catching up on later on some lazy Sunday afternoon. Scandal though? Hon, there’s absolutely nothing — not sickness, not food, not even a fabulous cock — that can get in the way of me and that 10 p.m. Thursday time slot. Where’s that gay show? TC mark

image – HBO

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