What Your Ringtone Says About You

Nobody uses the stock ringtones anymore. And certainly not now that it’s easier than ever to take your favorite song and pop it on your phone as a ringtone. People who make pop songs their ringtones love when their phone goes off out in society, because it means they get to jam to their favoritest part part of the song, waiting to pick up the phone until the chorus has finished. But what does your ringtone say about you? Are you busting that Lady Gaga on your phone or are you more the “always on vibrate” type? Do you make the theme from your favorite show your ringtone, or do you opt for the song of the summer? Find the most popular ringtones below, and what they say about you.

1. “Get Lucky,” Daft Punk

A) You want want to sleep with Pharrell Williams because Pharrell. B) You really do want to “Get Lucky” with somebody because no one has touched your private region in quite some time. C) You really are a ribald party animal or wish you were, even though you live a suburban life in North Dakota. D) You have dreams of a sticky, sweaty endless summer.

2. “Thrift Shop,” Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

A) Damn, u a cold ass honkey. B) You roll into a club like “What up I got a big cock.” C) You love vintage fashion. D) You love white guy hipster rap. Or hipsters. But wait, what is a hipster???

3. “Wrecking Ball,” Miley Cyrus

A) You want people to know you love Miley Cyrus, to hell with all the negative critiques about her from feminists and the whole Internet. B) You have like zero taste. C) You broke up with someone and it is time to him go. Plus, hating your ex so much is had for your skin. D) You really enjoy licking phallic objects on camera, have no problem riding balls naked.

4. “Don’t Stop The Music,” Rihanna

A) You love to party-arty-arty all night long, downing shots and dancing with hot boiz. B) You (confusedly) think Rihanna is actually talented. C) You think it’s a great pop song, because it really is. D) When you go dancing you hide in the bathroom and talk to yourself in the mirror all night.

5. “Applause,” Lady Gaga

A) “OMG LADY GAGA IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ARTIST OF ALL TIME AND BASICALLY ANYTHING EVER!!!!!!!!” is your daily mantra. B) You have at least once painted your face a la Gaga since the single dropped. C) You secretly imagine walking on a stage somewhere and being celebrated for your amazing talents. D) You are a theater/performance/dance major.

6. A Catch Phrase/Theme Song From Your Favorite Television Show Or Movie

A) You binge watch this show on Netflix and have probably seen every episode at least like twenty five times. B) You want everyone to know how much you love this show so that when your phone rings in public someone might say something to you about it and — OMG — you can have an extensive discussion about it. C) You are in a deep relationship with this show.

7. Silence/Vibrate

A) A you don’t want to be one of those people with an embarrassing ringtone that suddenly goes off in public in particularly quiet moments. And, of course, as soon as it goes off you’ll never be able to shut it down. B) You don’t want anybody to reach you, ever. You prefer to call everybody back. C) You enjoy putting your phone down somewhere for a couple hours, coming back to it and discovering that you have a bunch of emails, texts and missed calls. It’s fun! D) You enjoy peace and quiet and don’t want to ruin your creative juices as you work on your manuscript. E) You are avoiding bill collectors/student loan people.

8. “I Knew You Were Trouble,” Taylor Swift

A) This is the one Taylor Swift song you actually like and you didn’t even know it was her at first. B) You probably take a lot of selfies and have like 20k followers on Instagram. C) You have been in a lot of bad relationships and Taylor Swift speaks YOUR TRUTH.

9. “Boy Is A Bottom,” DWV

A) You are a gay, perhaps a bottom who identifies with this song. B) Every time you hear “Girl On Fire” by Alicia Keys all you can hear is “Boy Is A Bottom” and now you feel bad for Alicia because, like, it’s not even her song anymore. C) You probably say “Girl” a lot. D) You like to have fun. TC mark

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